


nine nine eight

by Izzi456



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Black Mirror Episode: s04e04 Hang the DJ, Black Mirror AU, F/F, Gay Panic, Sanvers is endgame, hang the dj au, in every universe :), sanvers are soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-25 14:53:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16199804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzi456/pseuds/Izzi456
Summary: A dating program that puts an expiration date on all relationships forces Alex to confront some new feelings when she is paired up with Maggie, who becomes convinced that the algorithm is working against her. Soon, they both begin to question the system's logic.aka: a “Hang The DJ” sanvers au :)





	nine nine eight

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: If you have not watched Netflix's Black Mirror Season 4 Episode 4, then this fic will definitely spoil it for you. That being said, you do not have to watch the episode to read and understand this fic. But the episode is really good, so I would highly recommend it :) It's one of the few not-fucked-up ones in that series.
> 
> anyway...enjoy this 30,000 word beast of a one-shot :)

_Maggie’s heeled boots clicked along the floor as she thanked the person who held the door open for her and walked down a long hallway._

_She had to admit, she was nervous about what was going to happen. But they boasted about this matchmaking system so much that Maggie believed it would work._

_So she went inside the Hub and headed towards, she hoped, something good._

//

“Coach,” Alex said, holding the small round device up to her mouth as she entered the building.

“ _Yes, Alex?_ ”

“How will I know who he is?” Alex asked, stepping carefully around a laughing, drinking couple as she made her way past the bar. She wasn’t sure if she’d dressed up too much or not enough.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to grab a drink. It would certainly ease her nerves.

This was her first, and she wondered if her match would be younger—too young—for her. Most of the people she passed looked to be in their early twenties, and she was almost thirty.

Alex rounded the corner to the dinner area, trying to ignore the security officer who had given her a look when she’d eyed the bar. She guessed it was prohibited to be tipsy before the date even started.

Red crescent booths with tables for two filled the room, and Alex paused to search for one with an empty seat.

“ _Your match is seated at Table 12_ ,” the device told her as the number 12 popped up on the screen.

That meant he was already here. Alex hoped she wasn’t late or, if she was, that he wouldn’t mind. Alex passed Tables 7, 8, and 9, going slowly to give her heart time to calm down, but it beat faster with every step she took.

She looked up again, her gaze skipping over the table labeled 11 and going right to 12.

And if her heart was beating fast before, now it completely stopped.

It wasn’t until brown eyes looked up and met her own that Alex felt like she could breathe again. It took a couple seconds for Alex to blink and realize that she was standing there, frozen, until she quickly did a one-eighty.

“Coach, you gave me the wrong number,” Alex said, speaking quietly so that no one else could hear her.

But the device just repeated, “ _Your match is seated at Table 12_.”

“No, no, that’s not right,” Alex said hurriedly, poking at the device. It must be wrong. It _had_ to be wrong. “It’s not—”

Alex felt a finger tap her shoulder blade, and she jumped and spun around again, coming face-to-face with her supposed match.

A woman.

A slightly shorter woman with long dark brown hair and matching eyes and a tight sleeveless dress that showed off her curves was standing right in front of Alex with a small, tentative smile on her face. Alex could see the beginning of a dimple on her right cheek.

She tilted her head at Alex’s expression. “Are you Table 12?”

This was bad. The woman was, well, pretty, but this was clearly…

Alex let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah but, I’m sorry, I don’t think…this is a mistake. There has to be some mistake,” she said again, more to the device—her coach—this time.

When Alex looked back up again, the smile had disappeared from the woman’s face. Alex saw her device, an upside down 12 displayed clear as day.

The woman seemed both confused and, if Alex was reading her right, a little hurt.

Alex quickly reached her hand out, pulling it back at the last moment to avoid touching the woman’s arm. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you’re _great_ , it—it’s just that, um…” Alex stuttered out, trying to think of how to say this. “I’m pretty sure you’re not my match.”

The woman furrowed her brow, glancing down at her device and back at Alex’s. “We’re both Table 12. This is my first time doing this, but I think that means we’re matched.”

“It’s my first time, too, but I think it calculated something wrong.”

That sounded so bad. Everything that was coming out of Alex’s mouth made it seem like this woman was the problem. And she was, in a way. But it wasn’t her. It was that she was a _her_.

“I don’t understand.”

Alex took a deep breath, running a hand through her hair. “I’m—I’m not…into girls. Women.”

The woman raised her eyebrows. “Oh.”

“It has nothing to do with you, obviously. I mean, you’re, you know…” Alex trailed off, gesturing a hand up and down. The woman was objectively attractive, Alex would have to be blind not to think so. “Any woman would be lucky to have you, it’s just, um—”

“No, I get it. You’re not gay,” the woman said, turning the device over as she glanced at the ground.

Alex nodded, wondering why her pulse quickened when she said the word. “Right.”

“You know that the system doesn’t make mistakes, though. Isn’t that the first thing it tells us?” the woman ventured.

Alex brought a hand up to rub at the back of her neck. “Well, yeah, but…it must’ve. It’s gotta have glitches sometimes. Coach,” she looked back down at the device again, “I think you made a mistake,” she said, a little more forcefully this time.

“ _The system doesn’t make mistakes. All experiences with potential partners will be logged in order to calculate your ultimate match_.”

Alex let out a nervous laugh that turned into a groan as she looked over her shoulder. The other couples didn’t seem to notice or care about what was happening, but there was one officer staring at them now, and Alex figured he was going to make them start the date whether Alex wanted it to or not.

But this wasn’t _right_. She wasn’t…

A gentle touch on her arm made Alex swivel her head back.

The woman had a soft smile on her face. “Maybe we should sit down. And it doesn’t have to be a date,” the woman added hurriedly. “The system might’ve made a mistake, who knows. But I don’t think they’re going to let us leave.” She flicked her eyes over Alex’s shoulder.

She took her hand away, and Alex swallowed. She was most likely right.

“We can just…hang out. And next time it will know not to, y’know, set you up with a woman.”

Alex almost laughed, and the woman seemed happier.

“Shall we?” the woman said, gesturing towards the table.

Alex looked at the table, and then back at her. “Yeah,” she said with a nod. “Yeah, okay.”

The woman was nice, friendly. Alex could do this. She could get through this.

“I’m Maggie, by the way,” the woman—Maggie—mentioned as she sat down across from Alex and stuck her hand out.

“Oh, right,” Alex said, fumbling with her device to shake Maggie’s hand. “Alex. I’m Alex.” 

“Well, Alex, should we check the expiration date? So you know how long you’re stuck with me?” Maggie asked with a bit of a smirk.

“Sure,” Alex said, nerves taking over again. She’d almost forgotten about that. “It’s under Info, I think.” Alex swiped over until the screen showed a finger print and hovered her thumb over it. “We press it at the same time, right?”

Maggie nodded, copying her.

Alex wondered how long it would say. It could be days, months, even years. Alex didn’t know what she’d do if—

“Twelve hours,” Maggie read.

Alex saw the same thing on her screen, and she wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or not when it started to count down.

_11:59:59…11:59:58…_

Alex looked up to see that Maggie was now swiping again. She was probably relieved, too. Alex didn’t feel like a stellar match.

“Might as well eat while we’re here. Do you think we order our food off of this thing, or—”

“ _Menu choice already established_.”

Maggie let out a little, “Oh,” and a waiter brought over plates for them both. She looked at Alex once he’d left, one eyebrow raised. “Fancy.”

Alex smiled and placed her device down on the table once Maggie had.

“I hope this Alfredo sauce is lactose-free,” Maggie said, pushing around her pasta. “I guess I’ll find out later, huh?”

Alex stifled a laugh as it looked like Maggie immediately regretted saying that. “It’d better be, ‘cause I have to hang out with you until tomorrow,” Alex said lightly.

Maggie smiled. “Yeah, and this date—or _not_ -date—is already shitty enough for you.”

Alex knew it was supposed to be a joke, but her own smile faded. “Maggie—”

“Sorry,” Maggie apologized, shaking her head. “I should stop talking about shit.”

Alex furrowed her brow. “No, no, that’s not… _I’m_ sorry. I—I don’t know what happened, but it’s not your fault, at all. _I’m_ the one making this shitty for _you_. I’m sorry that I have to be your first. Even though we’re not—”

“On a date, yeah,” Maggie finished, twirling her noodles onto her fork. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t know if I even trust this system anyway.” She leaned forward, peering at Alex’s plate. “What’d you get?”

Alex couldn’t help but think that Maggie was oddly calm about this whole thing. It did help Alex, who was still trying not to freak out.

“I’m not sure. I’m surprised it’s not two-day-old takeout, actually,” Alex said. She poked at her crusted or breaded…something. Fish, maybe?

“You don’t cook?” Maggie asked.

Alex shook her head. “Not at all. But, oh—” Alex tasted it, it was definitely fish— “this is good.”

“It certainly knows our tastes pretty well,” Maggie said nonchalantly, and Alex gulped as she wondered if Maggie was referring to the food…or people. But she continued the conversation without much pause. “Maybe they’ll bring vegan ice cream for dessert.”

Alex couldn’t help but grimace, and Maggie noticed.

“Is the fish not good anymore? Do you want some pasta?” Maggie offered.

“No, no. I was just…vegan ice cream? Really?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. Only it’s not actual ice cream,” Alex pointed out with a small smile. “And it’s gross.”

Maggie scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “It is not _gross_. You obviously haven’t had any good flavors.”

“I haven’t had _any_ , and I never will.”

“You’ve never even tried it?” Maggie asked, and she looked scandalized when Alex shook her head. “You can’t claim that it’s gross without ever having taken a spoonful. That’s just unfair to the ice cream, Alex.”

Alex smiled even more at Maggie’s dramatics. She was surprised that talking to Maggie, this back and forth, was easy.

“But it’s not real ice cream,” Alex continued before she could think any more about it. “And, last time I checked, food doesn’t have feelings.”

“You don’t know that,” Maggie said with a smirk. “We’ll start you off easy, though. This pasta sauce is definitely lactose-free, you should try some.”

Maggie pushed her plate towards her, but Alex leaned back. “Oh, that’s okay. You don’t have to—”

“It’s no big deal. I want to introduce you to the wonders of dairy-free food. Unless…do you think we’re not allowed to?” Maggie said, again glancing behind Alex at the officer stationed by the door.

Alex looked over her shoulder and the officer was staring right back at her. Alex wasn’t really scared of him, per say, but she didn’t like that he made her feel uneasy.

When she turned back, Maggie didn’t seem all that worried that the officer could stop whatever was happening. Not that anything _was_ happening. They were just hanging out, and Maggie wanted her to try the pasta.

And Alex didn’t really care what the officer would do. Besides, she did kind of want to try some.

No big deal.

Alex picked up her fork. “I don’t know, but…I don’t really care. And I’m only doing this because you’re forcing me,” Alex added.

Maggie looked pleased, but then Alex noticed that there were already some noodles on her fork, and she was extending it towards Alex.

“Here, I already got some ready for you,” she said, and Alex almost froze.

Alex trying a bite was one thing, but Maggie feeding it to her? That was another thing altogether. That was something couples did on dates, right?

But Maggie was looking at her expectantly and didn’t seem to think it was weird, and Alex didn’t want to make things awkward—again—so she found herself leaning forward.

She closed her lips around the fork, trying not to overthink the fact that Maggie fed her food, and she didn’t hate it. Instead, she focused on the pasta. And how good it was.

“So?”

Alex nodded and answered truthfully. “It’s good. You can’t really tell the difference.”

That got Maggie to smile more. “See? Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.”

Alex didn’t know what to do but thought she should return the favor—it was only fair—so she cut off a small piece of her breaded fish cake thing.

“Do you wanna try this, too? It’s pretty good.”

“Nah, I’m fine. I hate fish, actually,” Maggie told her.

“You…” Alex gaped at her and then cupped her hands around her plate to block it from view. “I can’t believe you would say something like that when the fish is _right here_.” She put her ear next to it. “You hurt its feelings, Maggie. It’s deeply offended.”

Maggie started laughing at her antics, and Alex felt an unfamiliar swoop in her stomach at the sound. And at the fact that she’d made Maggie laugh. And she realized that she wanted to do it again.

They managed to make it through the dinner without mentioning the elephant in the room, which Alex was thankful for. 

But when they were done, their plates were cleared away and they both knew what happened next. They went outside and there was a three-wheeled car that looked more like a golf cart waiting for them.

“I guess this is us,” Maggie said as they stopped in front of it.

“And this takes us to the place?” Alex asked, wrapping her jacket tighter around herself even though it wasn’t very cold outside at all. She tried not to let her thoughts start spiraling again.

“Yeah, I think so.”

Alex knew where it would take them and the fact that getting in that car would mean she was going to continue playing along with whatever this was.

But she didn’t want to find out what would happen if they didn’t follow the predetermined path set out for them, and she found herself not wanting to say goodbye to Maggie just yet. They had about ten more hours together, and she wanted to make this night—that she’d probably ruined the first time she’d opened her mouth—better and more enjoyable for Maggie. Especially since this was Maggie’s first time, too, and she was being so cool about everything.

“Well, we need somewhere to sleep tonight, right?” Alex said because it seemed like Maggie might ask if she was okay with this. Alex went around and hopped into the driver’s seat, even though there was no steering wheel or pedals or anything.

Maggie seemed to hesitate before Alex gave her a reassuring smile, trying to tell her that it was fine, _she_ was fine. As soon as Maggie sat down next to her and got comfortable, the tiny car started to move of its own accord, taking them away from the restaurant and down a paved road.

The two of them were silent as they passed a large green field, a park, and a lake, among other things.

After a while, Alex noticed the giant wall a few feet away from them that she couldn’t see the top of even when she leaned out of the car. She guessed it was the border as it didn’t seem like anything could get in or out of it. She had a brief moment of feeling trapped and imprisoned, but it quickly went away when she felt Maggie leaning on her arm.

A small, “Woah,” escaped Maggie, and Alex willed herself to calm her heartbeat as Maggie pressed against her side, trying to see the top of the wall, too. “It’s massive.”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, hating how breathy her voice sounded.

Less than five minutes later, they were at their destination. Alex read the number 473 above the doorway of the apartment before getting out. Alex and Maggie both watched the car drive away.

No going back now.

Maggie pressed her hand against the touch pad to unlock the door, and Alex opened it. She held out her hand for Maggie to go in first and then followed her inside.

The colors were a little bright and bold for Alex’s tastes, but there was a whole living room, a kitchen, and a fireplace that was already going. Soft music was playing from speakers that would’ve set the mood if this was a date. But since it most definitely wasn’t, Alex tried to ignore it.

They both moved through the house and, eventually, reached the bedroom.

Alex’s heart dropped at the one very big bed that seemed to take up half the room.

Alex spotted the bathroom and made her way over to it maybe a little too quickly, thankful for the excuse to not have to stare at that bed. “I need to use the restroom, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, sure. I need to, um, go over here, so,” Maggie said, equally unsure of what to do.

Alex slid the door to the bathroom closed and quickly took her device out of her pocket. 

“Okay, is something supposed to happen?” Alex asked it quietly to ensure that Maggie wouldn’t hear.

“ _Question too broad, please narrow_ ,” the device said.

“Does anything _have_ to happen? Like…what happens if nothing happens?”

“ _I do not understand the question_.”

Alex groaned. “Can you tell me what we’re supposed to do?” she asked, afraid of the answer.

“ _Participants are not required to take any specific action_.”

Alex felt some of the weight lift off her chest. “Really? Oh, thank God,” she said, mostly to herself.

Okay, so, they weren’t required to do anything. That was good. That was _great_. This was no big deal. They’d already agreed that this wasn’t a date. And it wasn’t like they’d do anything anyway because Alex didn’t like girls, women, _Maggie_ like that. And Maggie knew that, so everything was good.

Alex made herself leave the bathroom and Maggie wasn’t there, so Alex passed the bed, trying not to look at it on the way by, to find her in the living room.

Maggie must’ve heard her because she turned towards her with a nervous smile. “Hey. Y’know, I can sleep on the couch.”

She laid a hand on the back of it and looked like she was already regretting saying that, but Alex wasn’t going to have it in the first place.

“What? No. You don’t have to. I mean, you could probably fit ‘cause you’re pretty tiny, but,” Alex added with a smirk, which made Maggie glare at her. “If anyone’s sleeping on the couch, it should be me.”

“I don’t want to make _you_ sleep out here either. The bed’s big, I’m sure we can both fit. I’d be okay with that, as long as you’re not uncomfortable.”

Alex shook her head. “No, yeah, that’s fine. I’m fine with that.”

Sharing the bed. Totally fine. Maggie was cool with it, so Alex would be, too.

And it wasn’t that bad, even though the bed wasn’t as big as Alex originally thought. They were pretty much right next to each other, but Alex, surprisingly, wasn’t uncomfortable at all. A little nervous for some reason, but comfortable.

“It must’ve been crazy before the system,” Alex said, breaking the silence that had enveloped the room. 

She felt Maggie turn her head on the pillow. They were both on their backs, and Alex kept her eyes on the ceiling as Maggie asked, “What do you mean?”

“People had to do the whole relationship-thing themselves to figure out who they wanted to be with. It doesn’t sound fun.”

Alex couldn’t imagine having to go on date after date with guys only to end up hating them or figuring out you weren’t compatible. But she supposed that if every date was like this, just hanging out with someone who was enjoyable to hang out with, then it wouldn’t be that bad.

It took Maggie some time to reply. “So, you still believe in the system.”

“Yeah, why?” Alex asked, finally looking at Maggie, who was studying her.

“Well, for starters, it put us together.”

Alex tried to laugh that off, willing herself not to blush. “Oh, this doesn’t…count. I don’t know. If it is computer-generated, it would have to have an algorithm. But translating human emotions and thoughts and feelings into a mathematical algorithm is basically impossible. Even with the advancements we have now. It can’t be correct every time with this kind of stuff, especially since humans aren’t one hundred percent compatible in the first place.”

Alex didn’t notice Maggie’s smile had broadened to show her dimples and couldn’t figure out why she had that look on her face.

“What?”

“Nothing. You’re just a bit of a nerd,” Maggie teased.

Alex bit her cheek. “Shut up.”

“You’re probably right, though. It’s so much simpler when the system maps everything out for you. You don’t have to worry about breaking up with someone.”

“Or _how_ to break up with them.”

Maggie grimaced. “Oh God, yeah. What a nightmare.”

Alex ran some of the loose fabric through her fingers as it became quiet again, before she broke it. “I, um, I never told you, but…thank you. For being cool with all of this. With _me_ ,” Alex added. “I know I kind of freaked out on you earlier.”

Maggie shrugged. “It’s understandable. Don’t worry about it.”

“But I’m sorry that I had to be your first,” she said again, thinking she couldn’t apologize for that enough.

Alex willed herself not to react when Maggie reached out and grabbed her hand, giving her a reassuring smile.

“Hey, no, you don’t have to apologize. It’s not your fault. Besides, I had fun.”

“So did I,” Alex said, and she meant it.

“And you being my first means that I have no frame of reference, which means that this could very well be the best not-date I’ll ever go on.”

Alex laughed. “I hope not,” she muttered.

Alex couldn’t help but realize how lucky she was that the system had matched her with Maggie of all people. If it was going to make a mistake, this was about the best mistake it could’ve made.

But Alex had a fleeting thought, looking at Maggie and thinking about how familiar and nice and _right_ it felt to be here and be next to her, that maybe…

She shook that away before it could fester anymore, trying to focus on the moment and Maggie, who had tilted her head upwards again but kept her loose grip on Alex’s hand.

Alex tried not to think about how much she liked holding Maggie’s hand. And how she didn’t want to move. She wanted to stay here like this for as long as possible.

She tried, the next morning, not to think about how disappointed she felt seeing their time together shortening.

And she tried not to think about how, when Maggie hugged her as their devices both counted down from ten, she didn’t really want to let go.

She tried not to remember Maggie’s smile when she said, “Good luck,” and all Alex could say back was, “You too,” as the house locked itself and there were only zeroes on both of their display screens.

She tried not to look back as they got in separate cars.

She tried not to be disappointed when her device dinged to tell her that it had already, somehow, found another relationship for her. The only thing that made her feel better about it was that the system knew her a little better now, so it wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

And she really, _really_ tried to push away the new thoughts and feelings that seemed to swirl around her brain and not go away no matter how hard she focused on literally anything else…but the system really, _really_ didn’t help.

Because when Alex walked into the restaurant that night to the table her second match was seated at, she stopped in her tracks yet again and paled when she saw the person sitting there.

“You’ve got to be _kidding_ me.”

//

Of course the system would set her up with a straight woman.

It was just Maggie’s luck.

Whoever was in charge of this whole operation had probably been having a nice laugh up there at headquarters watching Maggie’s less-than-stellar way of figuring out how exactly to handle being on a “not-date” with a woman who wouldn’t even entertain the possibility that she might not be straight.

But Maggie hadn’t done a horrible job. Alex had seemed pretty calm after the initial freak-out. 

And Maggie couldn’t complain too much because at least they’d thought to give her someone funny and sweet and, well, attractive. She was smart, too. Would’ve checked all of Maggie’s boxes.

Plus, it hadn’t been super weird. It was nice, surprisingly. They’d gotten along well, as if they’d already known each other before. And they’d had a fun time, despite everything, which surprised Maggie. But…

“I just don’t see the point in setting me up with…with Alex,” Maggie panted out as she jogged down the path through the park the next day. “With someone who’s not even…”

“ _Even your reaction to that encounter provides the system with valuable information_ ,” her device answered.

 _Yeah, right_ , Maggie thought. “But how could that possibly help? How—”

“ _The system gains insight as each participant progresses through numerous relationships and uses the gathered data to eventually select an ultimate compatible other._ ”

Maggie slowed her pace, mostly to catch her breath. “On your pairing day, I know. And it always finds your perfect match,” Maggie said, imitating the chipper voice she’d heard too often.

“ _In ninety-nine-point-eight percent of cases_.”

Maggie huffed and put a hand on her hip, finally slowing to a stop. A soft _ding_ from her device interrupted her thoughts.

Maggie looked down at it. “What was that?”

“ _Another relationship._ ”

“Already?” Maggie couldn’t help but ask. It seemed quick. She briefly wondered if Alex had gotten paired up with someone else, too. Hopefully a man this time, for her sake.

Maggie didn’t have much faith in the system’s choices at the moment. But maybe it had made a mistake, as Alex had said numerous times. Maggie didn’t want to be late to this date just in case, so she turned around and headed back up the hill to get changed.

That night, she walked into a different restaurant with blue chairs instead of red. 

The woman was already at the table but hadn’t gotten her food yet. Which meant that Maggie wasn’t late, thank God. She’d been nervous and taken longer than she usually did. 

But once she saw the woman who she was supposedly matched with, who had light brown wavy hair and a low-cut dress that Maggie definitely liked, she calmed down a bit. 

“Hi, I’m Maggie,” Maggie said hesitantly, sticking out her hand as she stopped in front of Table 6.

At least the woman didn’t have that deer-in-the-headlights look that Alex had gotten when she’d seen Maggie for the first time.

“Emily,” the woman said as she shook Maggie’s hand and looked her up and down as if trying to decide if she liked what was in front of her or not.

Maggie adjusted her dress, getting more comfortable in the booth.

“So—”

“You’re gay, right?” Maggie blurted out.

She immediately regretted it as Emily’s eyebrows shot up. Maggie groaned at herself, but at least Emily wasn’t mad.

“Sorry, I didn’t…” Maggie trailed off. 

“Would I be sitting here if I wasn’t?” Emily asked, an amused smile on her face.

“Well…” Maggie pulled her napkin onto her lap. When she tilted her head back up, Emily leaned her elbows on the table, intrigued. “It’s just that,” Maggie continued, “this is technically my first time, except that it’s not. Because last time I got paired up with this straight woman, and—”

Emily laughed. “Oh, my god. That must’ve been horrible for you.”

Maggie let out a breath. She wanted to agree but found herself saying, “I mean, not really. It wasn’t that bad, actually.”

“Really?” Emily didn’t seem convinced.

“Yeah. It was probably worse for her than it was for me,” Maggie admitted.

“Mm, I wouldn’t be too sure about that. You’re pretty easy on the eyes.”

Maggie smirked. 

And that comment reminded her that she really shouldn’t be thinking about Alex anymore, let alone talking about her to Emily, her date, who was definitely gay and definitely liked her. Or at least liked what she saw.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Maggie said back.

Emily let out a little laugh, and Maggie thanked the waiter when he set down both their plates of food.

“This is actually my fifth,” Emily told her, and Maggie assumed she wanted to get away from the topic of Alex. “I’m a bit of an old hat at this whole dating thing, I guess. Should we check our expiry date?”

Maggie nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

They both got out their devices and pressed their thumbs on the screen at the same time.

“Nine months,” Emily read, and Maggie couldn’t stop staring at her screen.

Nine whole months? That was a lot longer than twelve hours.

But Emily didn’t seem phased as she stuffed the device back in her pocket as if this was a normal amount of time, so Maggie was going to be fine with it, too.

Except now she couldn’t help but look at Emily differently.

Was this someone she could live with in one of those tiny houses they gave them for nine months? Was this someone she could wake up to happy every morning for two hundred and seventy days?

She was going to have to find out.

Emily put her fist on her chin and said, “So, tell me more about yourself.”

And Maggie did.

It was more of a question and answer about the basics of both their interests than Maggie would’ve liked, but they had a pretty easy conversation throughout dinner.

And they didn’t have to talk much when they got to their apartment, because Emily came back out of the bathroom with nothing more than a robe on, her hair dripping wet, and said something about finding it easier to have sex right away to see if they were compatible in that area which Maggie couldn’t agree with fast enough.

Maggie had a brief moment of wondering what would’ve happened—if _this_ would’ve happened—with Alex if everything had been different before she lost her train of thought as Emily moaned at her touch, snapping her attention back to the present.

Later, Maggie found herself unable to sleep, despite what her and Emily had spent the last hour or so doing.

Emily’s breaths weren’t exactly deep and even yet. Maggie was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, wanting to _feel_ something for the woman next to her. They talked at dinner until they didn’t have to anymore, but they hadn’t really said anything of substance.

But Maggie was being ridiculous. She’d only known Emily for a few hours. She should give it more time—they definitely had a lot of it.

Then, Maggie remembered that she’d felt something when she’d reached out to hold Alex’s hand to reassure her that everything was fine, that she didn’t need any more apologizes from her.

Alex hadn’t flinched away and let Maggie keep holding her hand, and Maggie hadn’t let go.

On the contrary, Emily felt far away even though she was right there. But maybe if…

Maggie slid her hand along the sheets, blindly searching for Emily’s hand. When she found it, she laced their fingers together and let out a sigh. It didn’t feel exactly the same, but it was comforting in a way that made some of Maggie’s worries go away.

Maggie would’ve been content to fall asleep like this, but Emily took it as a desire to continue what they’d been doing. She turned over and smiled sleepily at Maggie before kissing her slowly. Maggie was pretty exhausted, but she kissed Emily back anyway as Emily tugged on the boxer shorts Maggie had slipped on earlier. They could talk tomorrow.

And they did.

And the more Maggie learned about Emily, the more she learned how to avoid her.

It wasn’t that she hated Emily, far from it. It was just that now she knew that Emily wasn’t always a pleasant person to be around. Sometimes, Emily would be in a bad mood and Maggie would know to stay away from her.

Maggie would wake up and have to figure out if it was going to be a good mood day or a bad mood day. And if it was a bad mood day, Maggie would steer clear and not joke around with her or try to do anything fun and make it worse than it already was.

About three months into their relationship, Maggie started setting an alarm on her device to get up hours before Emily would and go for long runs. It helped to clear her mind and get the alone time she needed before she’d spend the whole day in that damn apartment. Sometimes they’d go out, but usually only if Emily felt like it.

Maggie found herself checking her device every day as if that would make the countdown go faster.

But every day, it would display _6 months_ and Maggie would sigh and get out of bed, trying to put it out of her mind.

About a week after it switched to _5 months_ , Maggie found a card stuffed under the front door on her way out in the morning.

It was an invitation to a wedding reception for a couple that had been paired as each other’s ultimate matches. It said, _Attendance optional, but strongly recommended_ , and Maggie found herself smiling.

The party would be something different, hopefully fun, and Maggie was definitely looking forward to it.

//

It was a woman. _Again_.

Her long hair, which was a lighter brown than Maggie’s, was hiding her face as she seemed to be preoccupied with her device. Alex’s first instinct was to back up, to get away for a minute so that she could have time to think about what the hell to do.

Alex hurried over to the bar area, making sure she was out of view of Table 4.

 _Deep breaths_ , she told herself as she sat on a stool and tried not to freak out.

The system had set her up with a woman. _Twice_. That had to mean something, right? It was definitely trying to tell her something. Trying to get her to think about things she hadn’t really let herself think about.

Like how she hadn’t been able to get Maggie off her mind since they’d parted ways. And that she’d been thinking about what she’d do, what she’d feel, if she was paired up with a man. And how, somewhere in her, she wasn’t looking forward to that for…reasons she couldn’t really put into words.

She’d liked Maggie, she couldn’t deny it. But did she _like her_ like her?

Alex almost groaned. She sounded like a teenager with a crush. Not that she had a crush on Maggie. Or did she?

Alex shook her head, trying to focus on the task at hand: How to face this second woman without making the same mistakes as last time.

She really wanted someone to talk to about all of this. She needed a friend. Or…more than a friend. A best friend, maybe, who understood her better than she understood herself.

But she had no one, so she had to listen to her own gut, her own reasoning, which was always dangerous.

One part of her wanted to run away and pretend this wasn’t happening, but she had a feeling that that was not the right decision. Another part of her wanted to see what it would be like if she listened to her device—and the system—and went on a date with this woman. A real, actual date. Just to see if she liked it.

And all her doubts and worries about going on a date with a woman were overshadowed by a voice in her head saying, _Go for it, see what it’s like. It can’t hurt, right?_

It was certainly better than bolting.

She had to make sense of at least some of these feelings she was having, or else they were going to drive her crazy. And what better way to figure out if the system was helping her along the right path than to see if it was only Maggie that was making her question things— _everything_ —or if she would also feel the same way about this woman?

Alex stood up from the stool. She was going to do this. She couldn’t really believe it, but she was. No running away, no hiding. She was better than that.

Alex rubbed her hands together and made her way back to the table, her heart beating a little too fast to be healthy. Why hadn’t she gotten a drink first?

By the time she’d started to seriously consider getting one, the woman she was matched with saw her and smiled.

Alex didn’t know how the woman knew it was her, but maybe, just maybe, the woman already liked what she saw and was hoping that it was her. That was certainly a confidence boost that made Alex relax her hands and shoulders and walk only a bit faster towards the table.

Alex had been thinking so much about whether she liked women that she didn’t stop to think about how it would feel for a woman to like her.

“Hi. Um, Table 4, right?” Alex said, reaching out a hand.

The woman stood. “Yeah. I’m Sam.”

“Alex,” Alex answered, remembering to smile.

Her and Sam both sat down, and Alex willed herself to keep her hands away from the fabric of her dress and the napkin she put on her lap, instead keeping them on the table so that she wouldn’t fidget.

Alex cleared her throat. “I like your hair,” she blurted out before she could talk herself out of it. It was also the only thing she could think to say and besides, Sam’s hair was pretty. It had highlights and Alex wondered, surprising herself, if it would feel nice, too.

Sam’s smile widened. “Thank you. Yours is good, too.”

“Well, it’s all my own,” Alex said as she ran a hand through it, and almost cringed.

But then Sam laughed. Maybe a little too much—it wasn’t _that_ funny, in Alex’s opinion—but that was what people did when they liked someone, right? They laughed at their corny jokes and looked at them like…well, like how Sam was looking at Alex. It made Alex’s heart feel a bit lighter.

This wasn’t bad at all. It was going well so far. She liked this; she liked Sam. And Sam seemed to like her.

“We should check our expiration date, yeah?” Sam suggested, interrupting Alex’s thoughts.

“Sure, okay,” Alex said as she fished her device out of her pocket. She’d kind of forgotten about this part.

“So, on three?”

Alex nodded, trying not to get incredibly nervous again. “One, two—”

“—three.”

Both of their devices beeped as they pressed their fingers to them. Alex’s breath caught in her throat, so she barely heard Sam read out what was on their screens.

“Six months. Pretty much the same as my last one.”

Alex whipped her head up, getting herself out of her headspace. Her last one? “How…how many have you, um…” Alex stuttered out.

Sam waved a hand. “Oh, only three. But it’s been six months every time. I guess I’m just destined to be a six-month-girlfriend,” she let out a light, forced laugh.

Alex furrowed her brow as Sam cast her eyes down. “I’m sure that’s not it,” Alex reassured her. “The system has its reasons.”

Sam shrugged. “Yeah, probably. Oh, thanks,” she said as their waiter brought their dinner. “Looks delicious.”

Alex watched Sam dig into her food, most likely to avoid this particular topic, and poked her fork at her food absentmindedly until Sam asked about something and she answered.

The rest of their conversation and evening went relatively well, and Sam even held Alex’s hand on their way back to their shared apartment. Alex enjoyed holding her hand, especially because the impending night was making the temperature dip as time went on and it was warm.

Alex was making a mental list to mark everything off as she went. Just to ensure that she had enough evidence to support her hypothesis.

Did she think Sam was pretty? Yes. Was Sam nice? Yes. Did she like Sam? Yes, absolutely. Did she like Sam _like that_? Alex was pretty sure she did. Because her answer to if she liked holding Sam’s hand was yes, but when she asked herself if she felt something more when she’d held Maggie’s, the answer was also yes. But Maggie wasn’t in the picture anymore. Although Alex could definitely check off all of those boxes for Maggie, too.

Except for the next one: Did Sam like her back? Debatable, but very possible. With Maggie, Alex would never know. She probably didn’t, because Alex had pretty much labeled herself as off-limits for Maggie, and Maggie had respected that. And Alex wasn’t sure what she’d do differently if she had a chance to go back in time.

Her hypothesis that technically consisted of two questions—Was the system right about her? Was she gay?—was moving fast on the track to being proven correct.

Despite all that Alex had managed to straighten out, there were things—physical things—that she knew would definitively confirm or deny her hypothesis. And she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that, quite yet.

“Hey, um, Sam?” Alex said, stopping them as they reached the door the apartment.

“Hm?” Sam turned to her, and Alex couldn’t help but take a tiny step back. Sam seemed to notice and looked concerned, so Alex quickly continued.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Alex said, and then shook her head. “I mean I _hope_ nothing will be wrong, but, because…I-I wanted to tell you that, um…”

“What is it?” Sam asked softly.

Alex took a deep breath in. “I, um…I like you. A lot. It’s just that…I’m kind of new at this. And I wanna go slow. If that’s okay.” And even as she said it, she couldn’t help but glance at Sam’s mouth and wonder, again, what her hair would feel like if she ran her fingers through it.

“That’s fine, Alex,” Sam said, and Alex visibly relaxed.

“Really?”

“Of course,” she said as if Alex’s disbelief was kind of amusing, but also concerning. “You’re new at this?” she repeated, and Alex nodded. “Like, with women?” Alex nodded again, and Sam smirked. “Well, I never would’ve guessed. You know, for a newbie, you’re pretty good.”

Sam put her hand on the pad and opened the door, walking backwards inside.

Alex couldn’t help a smile, feeling herself get more confident by the minute as she followed Sam. “ _Pretty_ good?”

Sam stopped and looked up as if thinking about it. “Yeah, pretty good,” she teased.

Alex looked around the small but immaculate space. It was slightly different than the apartment she’d had with Maggie, but the layout was pretty much the same. She knew that if she looked to her right, she’d see the steps leading up to the bedroom.

“How is this gonna work, then?” Sam asked, bringing Alex’s attention back to her. “Are you going to tell me if you don’t want to do something? Or should I ask?”

“Oh, um…” Alex rubbed the back of her neck. “I guess I can tell you what…what I’m okay with. Or when to stop,” she said, willing herself not to stutter as Sam moved closer.

“Alright. So if, say, I told you that I also like you, and that I really enjoyed our date, and that I’d like to kiss you,” Sam said nonchalantly, biting her lower lip and making Alex only able to focus entirely on that even as her heart skipped a beat at what Sam had just said, “you would tell me if that was okay?”

Alex could only get out a small affirming, “Mhm,” not trusting herself to form words as Sam stepped into her space. They were about the same height, and Alex would only have to lean forward about seven inches…

“Is this okay?” Sam whispered. Alex could feel Sam’s hand through her dress as she touched her hip.

Another weak, “Mhm,” escaped Alex, and before she knew what was happening, Sam closed those seven inches herself.

Alex seemed to go numb at the gentle touch of Sam’s mouth on hers, but just before she could get used to the feeling or even kiss Sam back, Sam pulled away. Alex blinked her eyes open to see Sam with an expression on her face that Alex could only describe as happy. And maybe a little smug.

“You’ll tell me when you’re ready, or if you’re _ever_ ready, for more, yeah?” she asked.

Alex cleared her throat. “Yeah, yes. I—I will,” she then said a little too quickly. 

(Did she like kissing women? Yes, definitely.)

Sam turned halfway around and started walking towards the kitchen. “So, something you should know about me…I tend to like late-night snacks. Should we see what’s in the fridge?” she asked as if she hadn’t just flipped Alex’s world upside down.

And all Alex could do was smile and nod.

The next day, Alex got to find out what Sam’s hair felt like as she ran it through her fingers. And in the weeks after that, she let Sam take her shirt off and quickly slipped off Sam’s, too. But Alex didn’t let it go much further than that.

And she learned a lot about Sam. Like, for instance, that Sam liked to read—some fiction and some business books—so Alex would go out jogging or running while she did so. Sometimes they read together or just hung out.

It was nice.

Occasionally, Alex’s thoughts would wander back to her checklist, which still wasn’t one hundred percent complete. But who was she kidding? She had way more than enough evidence to prove that both of her big questions were answered with yes’s. Whenever she was doubting herself and her experiment because her feelings about one woman weren’t enough—she needed to complete several trials in order for the hypothesis to be sufficiently proved—her mind would go to Maggie and how it had felt to be with her. 

And what she’d felt when Maggie had smiled and shown her dimples and laughed and joked around with her and teased her and held her hand was so obvious to her now. She couldn’t believe, thinking back, how much she’d been willing to overlook in order to convince herself that she was feeling nothing. 

She’d liked Maggie, a lot.

But as soon as Alex felt her mind drifting to Maggie for too long, she’d feel horrible. Because she was with Sam. She’d had her chance with Maggie, and she’d blown it. Big time. Maggie was, no doubt, the one who’d sparked something in her, and she wished that she could do it all again, that she could fix it. But it was too late.

Besides, she liked being with Sam. She liked doing things with Sam. They had fun, and they kept each other company.

And every time things would get heated between them, Alex would stop them with a, “Wait,” or a, “Not yet.” Alex thought Sam would get mad or, rightfully, impatient with her, but she never did. She’d just kiss her once more and they’d settle into the couch or go to sleep, depending on the time.

Alex didn’t want Sam to be disappointed with her, but she wasn’t ready to go all the way yet. She hoped Sam could wait a little longer even though Alex didn’t really know what exactly she was waiting for. They were over halfway through their relationship already.

One morning about a week after her device ticked down to tell her that there were two months left, Sam flopped back onto their bed with an envelope in her hand. It contained a letter to attend a couple’s “Ultimate Match” celebration reception.

“I’m iffy on parties, but it does say that our ‘attendance is strongly recommended,’” Sam read. “Do you wanna go?”

Still half-asleep, Alex sat up and took the envelope, looking over the glittery, decorated card. She didn’t really like parties either, but… “Yeah. They’ll probably have pretty good food, right?”

Sam seemed to light up. “Ooh, I did not think about that. You’ve convinced me. We’re going.”

The party was a few days later, and her and Sam were stuck listening to the happy couple make a toast. 

Both of them were young and optimistic in the pursuit of love and happiness through the system. 

“Have faith in the system, because it _does_ deliver,” the young woman said, her wide smile only matched by the man next to her. “It did for us.”

“Aw, they’re cute,” Sam said quietly as the man made the woman laugh with a god-awful impression of someone Alex didn’t recognize.

Alex glanced at Sam. She thought they were kind of annoying and more disgustingly cute than anything. But the system had known her better than she’d known herself, so she supposed she had to agree with their insistence to hang in there if you were having doubts. They could’ve been on an advertising pamphlet or something.

Afterwards, Sam immediately made her way to the buffet table, dragging Alex behind her. Not that she had to, really, as Alex didn’t want to talk to strangers and the best way to avoid doing so was by stuffing her mouth with hors d’oeuvres and a glass of champagne.

At one point, Sam put a hand on Alex’s arm and seemed to light up as she saw someone Alex couldn’t see in the crowd of people. She shouted a name—Lena—and explained that it was one of her old matches. She took her plate of food and went to talk to Lena after kissing Alex on the cheek and telling her she’d be back soon.

Alex watched her go for a moment until she disappeared and noticed that it was starting to get dark out. Alex eyed some fried vegetable on the buffet table and dipped it in garlic dip. It was so good she thought about taking the whole bowl back to her and Sam’s apartment, but then…

“Alex?”

Alex whipped her head up and spun around. And when she saw that it was Maggie— _the_ Maggie, _her_ Maggie—she sucked in a gasp, which caused the food to get lodged in her throat.

Alex was sure her eyes went wide as she tried to cough, to breathe, because Maggie immediately hurried over to her, trying to figure out what was wrong.

“Oh no, are you—you’re actually choking? Shit,” Maggie said frantically as she put her purse down on the table.

Alex tried to cough more and was sure she was embarrassing herself so much right now, which didn’t make anything better. She could feel her face get hot as very little air reached her lungs.

“Okay, we’re doing this. Here, I’m just gonna…” Maggie spun Alex around and thumped a fist on her back.

Alex coughed again, harder this time. It took a few seconds, but eventually she managed to unceremoniously spit out the fried zucchini. Immediately, she sucked in some much-needed air and tried to slow her heartbeat.

Once she was sure she wasn’t dying, all she could think about was Maggie. Maggie was _here_. She hadn’t seen her in months.

Alex wiped her mouth and faced her, clearing her throat and trying to put on a smile at Maggie’s furrowed brow.

“Are you okay? Is it all out?” Maggie asked.

She was standing about two feet away and still touching Alex’s arm. Alex finally had a chance to take her in and, unlike last time, noted just how much she liked the way Maggie’s dress clung to her curves and the way her hair fell like waves over her shoulders. And how much she didn’t really like how Maggie looked…tired, or something. 

Alex bobbed her head. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Thank you for saving me from that gross food,” she joked, thinking that that was a better excuse to have choked and spat it out than being so surprised at seeing Maggie.

“No problem. But what was it? So that I know not to have any.”

Alex glanced at the table, pretending to think about it. “Um, I don’t know, but it was definitely dairy-free. And all of that stuff is disgusting.”

After a beat, Maggie laughed. Alex looked back at her to see that she’d made her dimples appear, which made Alex’s heart flutter.

Maggie shoved at Alex’s arm. “Shut up. You liked that pasta! You told me you liked it.”

“Maybe I was lying,” Alex said with a shrug.

“Well, you at least liked it enough not to spit it out all over the table, so it couldn’t have been absolutely horrible.” 

Alex smiled wider and then pursed her lips. God, she’d forgotten how easy it was to talk to Maggie. Even after only knowing her for twelve hours and not seeing or hearing from her in months, she could talk to her like no time had passed and nothing had changed.

“Seriously, though, thank you,” Alex said. “You saved my life,” she added dramatically because she knew it would make Maggie keep smiling.

And she did. “Happy to. It’s…really good to see you again. Nearly dying aside,” Maggie then said, tilting her head, “how are you?”

Alex almost laughed. She didn’t really know how to answer that.

_I’m good. Oh, and by the way, you were right about me being gay even though I told you five hundred times that I wasn’t. Surprise!_

But she had to tell her. It was going to be impossible not to, right? 

For now, she settled on saying, “I’m doing pretty good, how about you?” hoping to talk about literally anything else.

Maggie waved a hand. “Oh, I’m fine. What has it been like, four months since we’ve seen each other?”

“Yeah, give or take,” Alex replied as if she didn’t know exactly how long it had been. Four months and eleven days. She hadn’t even realized she’d been counting. “Do you have a, um, another…” Alex trailed off. It had been awhile, and Alex had gotten matched up with Sam pretty quickly. It would make sense if Maggie was seeing someone else, too. Maybe she’d been paired up with multiple women since then. Alex didn’t really know how to feel about that.

Maggie nodded, and Alex noticed her eyes flick down to her shoes while her easy smile turned a bit forced. It made Alex think something was wrong which _then_ made her want to fix whatever it was as fast as possible.

“She’s around here somewhere,” Maggie said, not even bothering to look around. “I kind of lost track of her. What about you? How are you doing with…everything?” she asked, and she seemed genuinely interested. “Did you get matched up again?”

Alex ran a hand through her hair. She’d hoped Maggie would talk more about her match, as painful as that might’ve been. She already missed teasing and joking around with her. But Maggie was not avoiding this particular topic and Alex’s attempts to do so. 

“Yeah, I did,” Alex said, letting out a breathy laugh. How was she supposed to go about explaining this? How would Maggie react?

The background noise of the party didn’t work to drown out the silence that had seemed to envelop the two of them. When Alex didn’t offer up anything else, Maggie leaned forward. Alex looked up at her again to see a small, encouraging smile on her face.

“Does this match of yours have a name?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah. It’s, um…” She swallowed. Well, this was one way to do it. _Here we go_ , she thought. Before she could do something stupid like run away with a lame excuse, she blurted out, “Sam.”

“Sam,” Maggie repeated, satisfied. “And does he treat you well?”

Alex furrowed her brow. He? But she just said her name was…

Oh. Sam could most definitely also be a man’s name. It was more likely, statistically, a man’s name. Shit.

Alex stopped herself from groaning. She was going to have to actually tell Maggie. She was going to have to correct her and explain now instead of waiting for Maggie to figure it out somehow.

“Actually, Maggie, the thing is…is that, um…I need to tell you s—”

“Maggie! Hey, there you are,” a voice from behind Maggie interrupted her, and Maggie swiveled around.

Alex took her eyes off of Maggie and saw a woman with long dark hair walking towards them with a smile plastered on her face.

“Hey,” Maggie said before looking back at Alex. “Alex, this is…Emily. My match.”

Emily came up beside Maggie and slipped an arm around her waist almost possessively. Alex flicked her eyes between the two women and tried not to curl her fingers into a fist at her side when she felt an uncontrollable prickle of jealousy.

“Sorry, what were you going to say?”

Alex noticed that Maggie’s tiredness started to appear on her face again. And she saw Maggie almost go stiff at Emily’s touch even as she kept up her smile. It was as if Maggie wasn’t entirely and completely happy with Emily around, which made Alex’s insides start to churn, instead, with anger. But she tamped it down.

“Hm?” Alex said lamely, realizing Maggie was waiting for an answer to her question. “Oh, um…it was nothing. It’s not really important.” She definitely couldn’t tell her now. Not with Emily right there, practically glaring at her.

“It’s getting pretty late. Do you want to head back?” Emily asked Maggie.

Maggie looked torn as she searched Alex’s face as if wondering if that was true. Alex just smiled, trying to let her know she was fine and hoping Maggie would drop it. Emily gently squeezed Maggie’s hip, which seemed to get her attention.

“Yeah, okay,” Maggie said, even as she didn’t take her eyes off of Alex.

“It was nice meeting you,” Emily said as she grabbed Maggie’s clutch off the table, opting to wave as she not-so-subtly steered Maggie away.

“Yeah, you too,” Alex said, one hundred percent sure that that was also a lie. 

When Maggie looked back as they made their way through the crowd, Alex lifted her hand up in a half-wave and Maggie did the same. 

And then she was gone. Again. Just like that.

Alex already kind of missed her. She leaned on the buffet table and had to move after a minute when someone wanted to get to the chips.

Emily was probably ten times better than Alex as a girlfriend. For one, Alex wasn’t even willing to admit that she was Maggie’s date. Which had been so incredibly stupid. And she made Maggie feel like she’d been a mistake, a flaw in the system, when Maggie was anything but that.

Emily was one lucky lady, Alex knew that much. She just hoped Emily knew that, too.

Alex spotted Sam in the crowd and straightened up, trying to wipe the last few minutes from her brain even though she didn’t want to. But she’d probably never see Maggie again, and would never get to tell her what she wanted to tell her, so she had to let it go. The sooner she did that, the better.

She hadn’t been able to tell Maggie then, and she couldn’t even tell her now. She couldn’t do anything right.

…Or maybe she could.

It was weird, but seeing Sam walking towards her with a smile on her face made Alex really realize what she had and how good it was. She didn’t want to mess this up. She had Sam, who was nice and fun, and Maggie had Emily. And Sam liked her back and had helped Alex check off all her boxes…except one.

And what the hell was she waiting for, anyway?

Nothing anymore, apparently. Because as soon as her and Sam met up again, Alex surprised herself by grabbing Sam’s hand and pulling her close.

“I’m ready,” she said quietly so that only Sam could hear.

Sam looked confused for a second, but then she seemed to realize what Alex was referring to. “You’re sure?”

“Very sure,” Alex said with a nod.

Sam smiled and gestured towards the general vicinity of the apartment. “Alright then. Lead the way.”

//

Something was up with Alex, Maggie could tell.

She had a feeling that it very much had to do with what Alex had wanted to tell her. Maggie should’ve stayed. She hadn’t really wanted to go in the first place.

She couldn’t believe how easy it was to talk to Alex again when they hadn’t heard from or seen each other for months. Maggie hadn’t smiled, hadn’t _laughed_ that much in…she couldn’t even remember how long.

Alex had looked…well. Happy. Less stressed and nervous than the last time Maggie had seen her. Which was good. Maggie wondered if her new boyfriend had anything to do with that.

Maggie was grateful that Emily’s questions waited until they got to their apartment.

“So. Alex,” Emily tried to say nonchalantly, but Maggie could detect the jealousy lacing her tone that had been very evident earlier.

“Yeah. She’s a friend.”

“A friend? But how…” Emily trailed off, and Maggie immediately regretted her answer. She should’ve said she’d met her at the party. She’d told Emily she’d only had one match before her. She couldn’t have known anybody else. “You said I was your second. So, was she your first? Was she the…”

Maggie rubbed her hands together. “Um, yeah, actually. She’s the woman I mentioned.”

Why was Maggie so worried to tell Emily about her, now? Alex was just a friend. It wasn’t like anything could’ve happened. Not that Maggie wanted anything to happen anyway.

Emily let out a laugh; she was taking this better than Maggie thought she would.

“Well,” Emily continued, “she was not what I was picturing, truthfully.” She paused. “Are you sure she’s not gay?”

Maggie furrowed her brow in surprise. “What? No. She’s—I mean, yeah, I’m…I’m sure. She told me she…” Maggie shook her head. “She’s not.”

“Hm. Alright,” Emily said as she, thankfully, accepted Maggie’s answer. Then, she smirked. “Good.”

Maggie smiled, but felt uneasy about something. About Emily in general. She’d been feeling that way for so long now, and it wasn’t disappearing. She couldn’t push away the fact that seeing and talking to Alex had felt like a breath of fresh air, while coming back here with Emily felt like…anything but that.

Their time together seemed to be ticking down slower every day.

When they had a few weeks left, Maggie found herself equal parts exhausted and relieved. It felt like the home stretch. 

Emily wasn’t _horrible_ ; Maggie had kind of gotten used to her quirks and habits and unpredictable mood changes by now. And it wasn’t like Maggie herself was perfect either—far from it—she knew that. 

But she wanted a relationship where she didn’t have to guess whether the other person was going to snap at her when she tried to talk to her in the morning. She wanted a relationship where she didn’t want to be alone so often. And where they could hang out with comfortable silences instead of charged or awkward ones. 

There had to be a point to this relationship, right? Maggie had asked her coach, before, why it had set her up with Alex. All Maggie was getting from this was how difficult it was to live with someone.

Maggie really needed to make this better, somehow. She wasn’t going to survive these next couple weeks, or learn anything from this, if she didn’t talk about her problems and what was bothering her. Even though she was nervous—maybe even scared—to.

But it wasn’t fair that Maggie was feeling like this around Emily and Emily had no clue. Maybe if she tried to talk to her it would be better. 

So she did.

It started with Emily asking Maggie what they were doing that day.

Maggie had gone on her usual run in the morning to think about how to approach Emily about…things. It helped to clear her mind, organize her thoughts, and get up the courage to actually do this.

“Should we go play tennis? We haven’t done that in a while,” Emily said.

Maggie almost sighed. Tennis was far from her favorite activity and the last time they’d gone to play was only a couple weeks ago. Usually Maggie went along with it, but today…

“Y’know, I don’t really, um…like tennis, actually,” she admitted. “Do you think we could do something else?”

Emily narrowed her eyes as she filled up a mug with coffee. “We’ve gone to play tennis…more than several times. You’ve never said you didn’t like it.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t _hate_ it, I just…I thought maybe we could do something I want to do.” Maggie ran a hand through her hair and felt like getting up and pacing around the room to alleviate her nerves. She shouldn’t be this nervous about something that seemed so small, but she was.

“Like what?”

“I was thinking yoga, maybe?” Maggie suggested, trying to be casual.

“You know I don’t like yoga, Maggie.”

She did know that. The first and only time Maggie had proposed doing yoga together, Emily had shut it down, so Maggie never brought it up again.

Maggie shrugged and pushed off her chair to stand up. “But you’ve never tried it. How…how do you know you—”

“Because it sounds boring.”

“But we’d be doing it together. I want to be able to share something I enjoy with you. I promise, it’s more fun with two people,” Maggie said. She’d always liked yoga and had been doing it anyway, alone. “Plus, it’s supposed to decrease stress and help with a balanced metabolism and—”

“Maggie,” Emily sighed, and Maggie stopped her rambling. “I already said I don’t want to. Why are you making me do this?”

Maggie was taken aback by that. “I’m—I’m not making you. I’m not going to force you. I just thought you’d want to try it, once.”

“Why would I do something I already know I won’t enjoy?”

 _Well, maybe because your girlfriend wants to do it and you can’t exactly say no because you know, from experience, that she won’t like that. So you suck it up and go with her_ , Maggie thought.

Instead, what came out of her mouth was, “Because I do things with you that I don’t like sometimes. But I’m your girlfriend and I want to spend time with you, so I do it anyway.”

It was silent for a minute. Maggie didn’t know this was going to be so difficult, but Emily had figured out by now that she wasn’t going to step down, not this time.

Emily scoffed, and Maggie stopped pacing, waiting for the inevitable. “You want to spend time with me.”

“Yes,” Maggie said, not really sure why Emily had latched on to that part.

But she was telling the truth. She’d reasoned that spending more time with Emily meant she’d know her better, understand her, and maybe like her more. It wasn’t working that well.

“So…” Emily stood up now and tapped her fingers on the counter. “You get up every morning and are gone for an hour, sometimes more, and you’re always reading books or cooking and telling me you don’t need help, and you want to spend time with me? You leave the bathroom as soon as I come to get ready for the night, or you take hours to water and trim all these stupid plants—” she swept an arm around the apartment— “and you say you want to spend time with me? Because it doesn’t really seem like it, Maggie.”

Maggie wrung her hands together, feeling like she’d just gotten kicked in the gut. 

Emily wasn’t wrong about any of that. At the beginning of their time together, Maggie had been willing to do those things with her, but Emily hadn’t wanted to, or she’d make fun of Maggie for them. They still made Maggie happy, though, and she didn’t want to stop. But if it was bothering Emily so much then…then maybe she should.

Maybe _she_ was the one who wasn’t willing to compromise. It seemed like Emily had been mad about all of this for a long time, and Maggie hadn’t even noticed.

Maggie didn’t really know what to say, but an apology was the best way to start to fix this. “Emily, I’m—”

“I wake up most days to an empty bed. Do you have any idea how that feels?” Emily asked. She seemed more angry than sad about it. “You literally run away from me the first chance you get.”

Maggie shook her head. “Hey, no. I don’t _run away_ from you. I like being outside and jogging. I—I didn’t even know that you noticed I got up. I try to be quiet.”

Emily crossed her arms over her chest, and Maggie forced herself not to take a step back. “Yeah, well, it’s kind of hard to ignore your alarm and the cold sheets and you pretending you never left when you come back. And the fact that you immediately jump into the shower when I wake up,” Emily pointed out. “I’m not dumb.”

“I’m not saying you’re dumb. I don’t think you’re…” Maggie trailed off. God, she’d made Emily feel like this? What kind of girlfriend did that? “I…” she swallowed, feeling this horrible ache inside of her that she realized was guilt. “I’m sorry.”

But Emily wasn’t done. “And you do all of that, yet you _still_ want to make me go to yoga with you?”

This conversation was going back and forth between different topics almost too fast for Maggie to keep up with. But at the mention of yoga, Maggie seemed to find her voice again and remember what they had actually been talking about.

“I’m not making you go,” Maggie said, trying not to get angry. “But I try things for you, with you. It seems like, to me, that we always do stuff you want to do. And maybe I’m wrong. And I’ll…I’ll stop, y’know, going on runs or cooking alone if it’s making you angry or making you feel like I’m trying to avoid you.” It was the least she could do. “But just…just _once_ , I want us to do something that _I_ enjoy.”

Emily barked out a laugh. “Do you know how selfish you sound right now?” she asked after a moment.

“What?” Maggie breathed.

Emily nodded, and Maggie could practically feel herself shrinking under Emily’s hard gaze. “Obviously not. You’re so stubborn and insensitive that you don’t even realize it.” 

Emily took a deep breath in and instead of walking away, she came towards Maggie…and went right past her to the door. All Maggie could do was watch.

Emily took her coat off the hanger. “For once, I think _I_ need to talk a walk, to be alone for a while.”

Maggie could feel her eyes start to sting. This wasn’t supposed to end like this. It started out as only a little suggestion and blew up. It kind of seemed like they were in the middle of it, too, and Emily was leaving. Was it Maggie’s fault for starting this in the first place?

Maggie started to take a step towards her. “Wait, Emily—”

Emily gripped the door. “Don’t,” she said, and Maggie stopped in her tracks. 

Emily opened her mouth to say something else, but seemed to decide against it, instead practically slamming the door behind her on her way out. She’d left her coffee on the counter, practically untouched.

And Maggie was left standing there wondering how this had gone so wrong so quickly.

She could feel her eyes start to sting but clenched her jaw to hold her tears in. She made her way to the couch and sat down, putting her head in her hands. The bad feeling in her stomach wasn’t going away because some part of her knew that Emily was most likely right.

No one else knew her better than Emily did. And the truth hurt, but it was the truth; Maggie had to accept that.

Later, when Emily finally came back, she apologized for raising for her voice and let Maggie apologize for everything else. Maggie could tell, as they ate dinner in silence, that Emily was trying to forget about it or at least move past it, so Maggie did, too.

She spent the next three weeks trying not to make the same mistakes. She didn’t take her time checking on her bonsai trees and made sure that Emily was preoccupied with something else before going on quick runs. And she didn’t dare bring up yoga again.

While the atmosphere had started to get better and Maggie could tell that Emily was happier, nothing had really changed for her. If anything, she missed where they’d been before. But if Emily was happier, then she should be, too, right?

Maggie felt horrible about it, but she was more relieved than anything on their last day together. They stood outside of the apartment, and Maggie counted down the last ten seconds in her head as she watched her device.

A small _Beep_ alerted them that their nine months together was finally, officially, over—even though it seemed like any chance at a real relationship had ended for them a long time ago, in Maggie’s mind—and Maggie let out a breath.

Emily kissed her cheek, and they both said goodbye, and that was that.

Maggie put her device back in her pocket as she hopped into the cart.

Surprisingly, she felt herself smile as it started down the road, away from Emily and towards something else. Something new. Something, hopefully, better.

The cart went over a bump and Maggie almost didn’t hear her device ding to indicate that there was already another new relationship for her. Maggie was exhausted but more than ready to move on and forget about Emily. This would definitely help. She wondered how long it would be.

She secretly hoped for something shorter just in case, and very much got her wish.

The woman’s name was Kate and they were supposed to be together for forty-eight hours.

After Kate, it was Toby for another forty-eight hours.

Then Eliza and after her, Darla—both forty-eight hours.

Over and over and over Maggie continued to sit across from pretty women at varying tables and they’d tap their devices simultaneously. She’d read forty-eight hours and try to smile.

It didn’t take very long for her to not bother remembering their names or getting her hopes up that it would last longer or, worst of all, try to feel something—anything—for any of them. It was the only way she could cope with the quick turnarounds.

After Maggie had been matched with some blonde woman for the dreaded two days she’d begun to get used to, the system gave her a break. It usually didn’t, so Maggie was surprised. She was so _tired_ , so the few days she had to herself were blissful. But she was just waiting for the inevitable.

Her first reaction to those notifications now was to groan. After three months of one-time and two-time flings, she couldn’t bring herself to get excited.

This time was no different.

She didn’t bother going back to her apartment to get dressed quickly, knowing that if she was late, it wouldn’t matter. To her, at least.

The only thing some part of her seemed to note that night was that she’d been in this particular restaurant before, but she couldn’t remember when or which woman it was. 

Maggie didn’t allow herself to dwell on it, though, and walked down the hall past the bar, heading towards—she checked her device—Table 12.

//

After Sam, Alex had Lucy for another six months.

Lucy was almost the complete opposite of Sam in every way. She was brazen and loud and didn’t take any shit from anyone. She cursed like a sailor and wasn’t afraid to flirt with Alex in a way that made Alex blush and stammer over her words, but also stand up a little bit straighter and try to flirt back.

Every time Alex did, Lucy would smirk and say, “You’re cute,” successfully rendering Alex speechless, again.

But Lucy also told her things at night, like how six months was the longest relationship she’d had besides a guy named James. Alex had frozen at Lucy’s casual mention of being matched with a man and had taken ten minutes before gathering up the courage to ask Lucy, reassuring her that she didn’t have to answer, what it was like to date both men and women.

Lucy waved off Alex’s nerves and shifted in the bed before answering. “You know that saying that there’s always more fish in the sea?” Alex nodded, and she continued. “It’s like…you can go fishing with a net instead of just a piece of bait, but you’re also attracted to a hell of a lot of fish, so it’s exhausting.”

Alex laughed and thought that maybe, to use Lucy’s metaphor, she’d just been fishing with the wrong bait before Maggie had come along. The sea had seemed scary then, but now it wasn’t because she knew herself and how to navigate the waters better, so to speak.

The six months went by fairly quickly and when it was time to say goodbye, Lucy gave her one last very unexpected kiss to remember her by, but Alex didn’t think she’d be able to forget her. Lucy had rolled her eyes but smiled when Alex had told her not to worry, that she’d catch the right fish, she just had to keep at it. 

Alex could say with some certainty that she was getting better at this. Or, at the very least, she wasn’t getting worse.

When her device dinged with a new relationship for her not even an hour after she’d been driven away from Lucy, Alex’s thoughts were preoccupied with speculating what this one would be like. 

When she made her way to the restaurant, she noticed that it was the same one she’d been in with Maggie and checked the table number: 12.

That was weird. But it probably didn’t mean anything; Alex was reading too much into it.

She passed a uniformed security officer on her way by and ignored his sweeping gaze as she sat down at the only empty table. She tried not to eavesdrop on the other couples chatting away as she waited.

After fifteen minutes, she began to get worried.

But the feeling didn’t last long.

Alex had propped her elbow up on the table and was resting her chin on her fist, but it promptly slipped off with a _thump_ when she saw none other than Maggie come around the corner.

Alex’s eyes widened.

They hadn’t talked to each other in eight months and their “not-date” was a year ago, but Alex’s heart never failed to skip a beat every time she saw her. Especially because she was kind of surprised at Maggie’s choice to wear a white button-up and skinny jeans and at how well it worked for her.

Alex’s brain immediately went into overdrive, noting that all the other tables were already full, knowing there wasn’t another section in this restaurant, and comprehending that the only reason Maggie would be here and walking towards her was because…

Alex pushed off her seat to stand when Maggie finally noticed her, too.

Maggie stopped in her tracks, tilting her head the slightest bit as she took Alex in. It was dead silent despite the low hum of conversation around them as Alex watched Maggie have the same realizations.

Maggie opened her mouth only to close it again. Finally, she managed to get out a small, “You…” She glanced down at her device. “Twelve?” she clarified quietly, as if afraid of the answer.

Alex nodded and smiled, but then Maggie took a step back, and she looked more confused than anything.

All Alex could think about was that the system was giving her a second chance. And she hadn’t realized how much she’d wanted one until she got it.

“Again?” Maggie then said, and a flash of exhaustion crossed her features. She fumbled with the device before stepping back again. “God, why do they keep…doing this to you?”

Alex shook her head, trying to get Maggie to stop. She didn’t have all the information, she didn’t know. “Wait. Hold on—”

“No, I—I don’t get it,” she said, running a hand through her hair. She looked angry, but not at Alex. She started to back up faster.

“Wait, Maggie, I need to—” Alex tried again, going after her. 

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to…with _me_ …”

Maggie was getting further and further away, and Alex wanted her to stay. She would be damned if she was going to mess this up and let Maggie go that easily again. Not without at least trying this, for real this time. She just needed her to stop, to pause for a second. She needed to talk to her, to explain everything, but Maggie wasn’t allowing it.

Alex said her name again, but it was like shouting into the abyss. Maggie shook her head and started to turn away.

As soon as Maggie’s back was to her, Alex became even more frustrated because her words weren’t working. Maggie wasn’t listening to anything she was trying to say, and she was so happy that Maggie was here. Maggie needed to know how much Alex still liked her and _wanted_ her.

And it was when Maggie started to speak instead to the officer near the bar, the words, “There has to be some mistake—” rolling off her tongue that Alex realized how to fix this because she couldn’t let Maggie believe that, not for one more second.

So Alex reached out for Maggie’s arm and spun her back around, and before she could think any more about it, she cupped Maggie’s face in her hands and kissed her.

As soon as their lips met, all Alex could focus on was Maggie as she ran her thumb across Maggie’s cheekbone.

The couple of times Alex may have imagined how this would feel was nothing compared to what it was like to actually kiss her. It was exhilarating, but it also felt, as cliché as she knew it sounded, like they were the only two people in the world and she was meant to kiss Maggie. She couldn’t believe she’d waited so long.

Even though the rest of her was frozen, Alex felt Maggie’s hand touch her elbow, maybe to steady herself.

The kiss only lasted a long couple of seconds, but Alex didn’t realize she’d been holding her breath until she made herself lean back slowly. She opened her eyes to see Maggie’s lips slightly parted, a look of wonderment on her face, which only made Alex want to kiss her again. But she retrained herself.

Maggie seemed to snap herself out of some stupor and looked right at Alex as if seeing her in a new light. Alex dropped her hands back to her sides but couldn’t help a smile, still not quite over how kissing Maggie had made her feel like she was on top of the world. She wanted to always feel like that.

Alex let out a sigh. “I should’ve done that a long time ago,” she told her, her voice quiet. “The first time.”

Maggie pulled her head back but didn’t seem angry anymore, which was good.

Alex’s heart was still racing, but she was more than ready to explain everything to Maggie, who was silent, so she cleared her throat. “I need to tell you something. A lot of things, actually,” she said, finally getting to finish her damn sentence without Emily or Maggie herself interrupting her. And right when it seemed like Maggie was going to, Alex blurted out, “The first is that I’m gay.”

She’d said the word before, but she’d never really said it _to_ anybody. She’d never really had to come out to anyone yet. That realization made her even more anxious, but Maggie closed her mouth and was just staring at her, so Alex kept going.

“I figured it out a while ago, and I’m sorry I was so stupid before, but I’m not now. Well, I’m _mostly_ not. Sometimes I still say and do stupid things, but I’m smarter about…other things. I mean, I—I know more about myself so, in that regard…” Alex’s brain caught up with her mouth, and she cut herself off, wondering what in the hell she was saying. She shook her head, starting again. “Anyway, the system was right, and I was so completely wrong. And, I don’t know, I…I finally get me. And the way I felt about you—”

“Alex?”

Alex stopped, worried she’d said something wrong as that was the first word Maggie had spoken in what seemed like forever. “Hm?”

“Can I sit? I’m just kind of…I need to sit,” Maggie said.

“Oh!” Alex frantically nodded her head. “Yeah, you—we can sit. Of course.”

A tentative smile appeared on Maggie’s face before Alex turned around and followed Maggie back to their table. She’d forgotten they were standing in the middle of the restaurant.

Alex clasped her hands together on the table, trying to stay still as Maggie pursed her lips and shifted in her seat.

No words were exchanged for a good thirty seconds. Alex didn’t know whether Maggie wanted her to talk or if she wanted to talk, but the silence was broken right after their plates were placed down.

Alex didn’t even get a good look at her dinner before Maggie ran a hand through her hair and said, “So, you’re gay.”

“Um, yeah. Yes,” Alex said, certain she wasn’t sounding so sure about her answer. But she was. Very, very sure.

“And I know you said you figured it out a while ago, but how…if you don’t mind me asking, how long exactly have you known?”

Alex picked up her fork and messed with it. “I guess about a year? Since I was with you.”

“Me?” Maggie asked, her voice quieter.

Alex smiled and nodded. “Yeah. I got matched up with you and then I started to think—or, actually, more like _repressed_ —a lot about how I felt about you. And then the system paired me up with Sam, which made me realize that—”

“Wait, sorry, Sam?” Maggie asked, somehow even more confused now.

This was going great. Exactly how Alex wanted it to.

“Yeah, Sam. Samantha. Who is not a man. She is most definitely a woman,” Alex said, and quickly continued when Maggie’s eyes widened. “And I’m sorry about not telling you at the party. I meant to correct you but then Emily came and I…I couldn’t do it. I don’t really know why. But I wanted to tell you, I promise I did.”

Maggie was silent again, so Alex waited.

“Sorry, I’m just processing everything. This is a lot of new information,” Maggie then said, an apologetic smile on her face.

“Yeah, it took me a bit to process it, too. But, y’know, it gets kind of hard to ignore when the system keeps setting you up with women,” Alex said with a laugh. “And I really liked you. I mean, how could I not like you?” she admitted, and Maggie flicked her eyes to her lap. “And—and Sam and Lucy, too. At first, I thought the system was telling me what to do and how to feel by matching me with women, but then I _really_ started thinking about how I would feel if I had to be with a man which…” Alex shuddered dramatically, which she knew would make Maggie smirk, and it did.

“I realized,” Alex continued, “that it was giving me another option I hadn’t allowed myself to explore or even consider. It was placing me in front of, well, you—and Sam and Lucy—and letting me figure it out for myself. And I figured out that what I was feeling wasn’t just some concept or something to push down further. It was…it was real.”

Maggie nodded as if she understood, and Alex was glad she’d finally managed to explain it in a way that made Maggie less confused. 

Maggie’s soft smile was making a dimple appear on her right cheek, and Alex found herself staring at her. 

Although the tiredness around Maggie’s eyes was far from gone, she seemed content. More relaxed.

Alex still thought it an odd choice to go for a more casual look for a date. The last two times she’d seen Maggie, she was dressed to the nines. Today, her makeup was minimal, her shirt sleeves rolled up to her elbows almost haphazardly. Not that Alex cared at all because, again, she definitely liked this look on her. Something about it was so…Maggie. It made Alex think she was seeing a different side of her.

Or maybe it was all in Alex’s head and Maggie had just been in a hurry and didn’t want to be later than she was.

Neither of them had taken a single bite of their food. Alex was thinking about doing so as Maggie was still processing everything she had told her, but then she noticed Maggie drop her gaze and furrow her brow for only a moment as if something was bothering her.

“Are you okay, Maggie? I know I just dumped a truckload of stuff on you, but—”

Maggie shook her head. “No, no, I’m fine. I, um…” She ran a hand through her hair. “It’s nothing.”

Alex was skeptical about that, but she said, “Okay,” anyway, not wanting to push her.

“Actually, no,” Maggie corrected herself, “it’s not nothing,”.

“What’s up?” Alex asked, tempted to reach out for her hand.

“Why did you kiss me?” Maggie asked so quickly all the words almost blended together.

Alex shifted in her seat. “What? Um…what do you mean?”

Did Maggie not hear her? Alex told her that she liked her. Had Alex imagined telling her that? She was positive she did not imagine it.

“I mean, why—why did you kiss me?” Maggie repeated, crossing her arms over her chest.

Alex scratched at her head, unsure where to begin. “Um, well, I…I kind of wanted you to let me talk for a second and tell you everything. But that was only part of the reason. The other, bigger part was because I like you.” She was tempted to add _a lot_ but was afraid that would freak Maggie out.

Maggie was shaking her head. “You said you _liked_ me. Before. The first time we had our not-date thing. So why kiss me now?”

Now Alex was the one perplexed beyond belief. Maggie was making absolutely no sense. 

“Because I still like you?”

“No, you…I mean you _might_ , but we haven’t seen each other in, what, eight months? And the last time we actually spent time together was a year ago.”

“So…” Alex prompted, not sure what Maggie’s point was.

“So, you might _think_ you like me, but that’s because you don’t know me. And if you did, you wouldn’t like me, like that,” Maggie said with a shrug as if stating an obvious fact.

Alex could feel anger start to bubble up inside of her. She wasn’t angry at Maggie; she was angry that something had happened to make Maggie believe this.

“How could you possibly know that?” Alex asked, trying to keep her voice calm.

“Because that’s what happened with Emily. We were together for nine months and she ended up hating me.”

Alex almost laughed. Who could hate Maggie? She knew there was something wrong at the party between the two of them. She wished she’d done more to find out exactly what was going on.

“How do you know she hated you?”

“Well, she said I was stubborn and insensitive and obsessed with my ‘stupid plants,’” Maggie ticked the reasons off.

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Alex said reassuringly. 

Maggie gave her a look. “She also said I was selfish, and obviously she was right about all of it because—”

Alex held up a hand. “Okay, wait, stop. You…” Alex took a deep breath in. “You are not selfish, Maggie. That’s bullshit. And I know that,” Alex barreled through when Maggie opened her mouth to, no doubt, refute that point, “because when I was scared and panicking about…well, about _you_ , you did everything you could to make me calm down and get my shit together enough to have a good time. It didn’t matter that it was _your_ first time, too. You never got mad or frustrated with me. You made me feel comfortable and I ended up having fun. I had a _great_ time, actually.”

Maggie finally smiled again. “So did I,” she said quietly.

“See? I’m not Emily,” Alex told her, and she meant it. She wrung her hands together, a little nervous to continue. “And I want to get a chance to get to know you better, since you claim that I don’t know you at all, which I don’t think is true. But I just want…I want a do-over.”

“A do-over?” Maggie asked.

“Yeah. I want a second chance at a date with you. Since I messed the first one up so badly the moment I opened my mouth. I want to go on an actual date with you.”

Maggie became serious again, which made Alex worried. “But what if it’s all for nothing?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that,” Maggie said with a frown, “I’ve been getting these forty-eight-hour dates over and over for the past three months. And I’m so _tired_ of them. I hate it. And what if…” Maggie sighed, pulling her device out of her pocket, “what if this is just another one of those?”

Alex touched her own device. She’d completely forgotten about the countdown, the designated time they were given for every relationship the system put them in. The frustration in Maggie’s voice was evident. Three months of short flings? Alex couldn’t imagine what that had been like, and she didn’t even want to calculate how many women Maggie could have been matched with.

When she thought about it, Alex just wanted time with Maggie with no worries about twelve- or forty-eight-hour time limits. 

Alex looked back at Maggie as she continued.

“It’s such a stupid amount of time because I couldn’t even talk to them without knowing in the back of my mind that there was no point, you know? I didn’t bother to remember their names because there were so many. And I know that sounds really bad, but I tried. At the beginning, I tried. But it just made it so much harder. After a while, I couldn’t even get myself to feel _anything_. I was so detached it was like I wasn’t even there.” It all spilled out of Maggie like she’d been wanting to talk to someone about this for a long time. “I’m so sick of it. Of knowing and having to worry about it. It’s frustrating.”

“Then let’s not check it.”

Maggie blinked. “What?”

Alex shrugged, pushing her device further into the pocket of her dress. It could’ve been a rock for all she cared. “The expiration date. Let’s not check it. I don’t want to worry about it either.”

Maggie tightened her fist around her device. After a moment, she nodded. “Okay.”

“Deal?” Alex asked, sticking her hand out.

Maggie smiled and put her device away before reaching for Alex’s hand and shaking it. “Yeah. Deal.”

“Great,” Alex said. She brought her hand back. It was such a relief, somehow, choosing not to care about it anymore. “This means that you want to go on a date with me, right? Like, a real date this time?” she asked, trying to appear calm while desperately hoping the answer was yes.

Maggie tilted her head and her smile widened. “Yeah. You get one more chance,” she teased, holding up a finger.

“Understood,” Alex said with a nod, matching Maggie’s smile while knowing that she was entirely serious about her answer. She was not going to ruin this again.

Their food hadn’t gotten cold, surprisingly, which struck Alex as strange, but she didn’t think any more about it.

She was getting another opportunity to make this right with Maggie. And there was no doubt in her mind that Maggie deserved someone better than Emily. Alex was going to prove to her, somehow, that she still liked her. It didn’t matter how much time they spent together; Alex had a feeling she was still going to like her. 

And it was true a few hours later when they finally left the restaurant and found the car waiting for them outside.

They’d talked about everything and nothing, and Alex had had a lot of fun. Alex wanted to stay there and talk to her more because she had a feeling there was still so much she didn’t know about Maggie, but she also really wanted to know where this night was potentially headed.

Alex was undoubtably happy. All she could think about was Maggie’s smile and Maggie’s laugh and the fact that she wanted to feel this happy all the time and was sure that being around Maggie could accomplish that.

But Alex was also hesitant to take Maggie’s hand as they were driven to the apartment. She was waiting to see how Maggie was feeling and what she wanted to do. Despite Alex’s moment of impulsive bravery with the kiss—the one thing they’d skirted around in terms of topics of discussion—she needed some sort of confirmation that Maggie liked her, too, before trying anything else.

And Alex didn’t realize that she was so tensed up and worried about making a wrong move until she felt herself relax when Maggie did find her hand in the dark and intertwined their fingers. Alex slumped a little bit in her seat so that Maggie could rest her cheek more comfortably against her shoulder. Alex wouldn’t have moved even if the ground beneath their feet started to crumble.

Their comfortable silence was broken when the car stopped in front of their apartment and they had to let go of each other as Alex went around the car.

Alex followed Maggie inside when she opened the door.

“It looks pretty much the same as last time,” Alex commented, not sure what else to say as they both surveyed the space. The lamp and the fireplace were there, the two steps to the bedroom…

“Yeah,” Maggie agreed. “Do you want a beer?”

Maggie went to the fridge and took out two beers before Alex could answer. Alex was about to jokingly ask if the beers were vegan as Maggie had told her she wasn’t a strict vegan but tended to lean that way with most of her meals. Instead, Alex went over to help Maggie open them; she seemed to be having trouble as if preoccupied with her thoughts.

“Here, I can do it.” Alex took the bottle opener and Maggie let her, passing around her with a grateful smile.

Alex’s eyes were stuck on Maggie as Maggie brought two fingers up to her bottom lip and then clasped her hands together.

“Are you okay, Maggie?” Alex finally asked when the quiet—that was only interrupted by the soft music playing from speakers Alex couldn’t see—started to make her anxious.

Maggie nodded even as she started pacing. “I’m fine. Great, actually. I just, um…” she trailed off, and Alex was too intrigued by Maggie’s nervousness to interject, so she waited. “I need to tell you something that I probably should’ve told you earlier.”

“Okay. What’s up?”

“You know when you were telling me all that stuff, I…didn’t really believe you. I mean, I _did_ believe you,” she hastily corrected herself, glancing at Alex. “I’m not saying that what you felt or you being gay isn’t _real_ or anything because it _is_. But…it was hard to believe because it, um…well, it seemed a bit too good to be true.”

Alex popped the second cap off and promptly forgot about the beers as she slowly made her way around the counter, unsure but hopeful about where this was going.

“Because I thought about you sometimes after the first time it ended,” Maggie said a moment later. “A lot more than I should’ve, actually.”

“Yeah?” Alex asked, taking an inconspicuous step towards Maggie.

“Mhm. It was mostly because I was worried about you, and how you were doing,” Maggie said truthfully. “But also partly because I did like you, too. As a person, I mean. I didn’t really allow myself to like you in…in the way that I wanted to.”

Maggie swallowed, and Alex tried not to let the pounding of her heart in her ears prevent her from listening to every word of this.

“And I really enjoyed spending time with you. That night _and_ tonight,” Maggie told her as they slowly gravitated towards each other.

She was only an arm’s length from her now. Alex could grab her hand.

And Alex surprised herself by deciding to act on her thoughts and gently pried Maggie’s hands apart, holding both of them in hers when Maggie didn’t pull away. It was probably the mood lighting and the music and the fact that Maggie was so close to her and had basically just admitted that she had wanted her and she _still_ wanted her now.

“Me, too,” Alex reassured her as she frantically tried to wrap her head around everything Maggie was saying. She took another half step forward and willed herself not to look away, instead focusing on Maggie’s eyes which she realized were the type of rich, dark brown one could so easily get lost in.

Maggie smiled. “And we don’t know how much time we’ve got. It could be really short. Which means that,” she took a deep breath in, “if I want to do something, I should do it now.”

Alex nodded, really hoping they were on the same page. 

Maggie didn’t seem as nervous and held Alex’s gaze for a second longer before getting impossibly closer. She stood up on her toes to touch the tip of her nose to Alex’s.

Alex closed her eyes and only had to wait another half-second for Maggie’s lips to brush hers. 

Alex dipped her chin and all she could think when Maggie’s mouth pressed against her own was that the only thing better than kissing Maggie was Maggie kissing her.

Maggie didn’t seem to be in a rush and kissed her almost torturously slow. But it gave Alex time that she didn’t have before to try to get used to the sensation, especially when Maggie brought one hand up to her cheek. 

Alex didn’t know how she stayed upright when Maggie pulled away. Maggie only leaned a couple inches back, and Alex saw a smile flicker on her face before she opened her eyes.

“So, um,” Alex cleared her throat, pointing at Maggie, “does this mean that you like me? ‘Cause that—that’s what I got…from all of that.” She waved her finger in a weird circle, very aware that she was being a huge dork, but she needed some confirmation; Maggie had kind of skirted around saying the actual words.

Maggie’s smile grew, and then she laughed and nodded. “Yeah. It’s really hard not to.”

Alex bit her lip, not quite able to believe that but definitely not questioning it. She reached out and ran her finger through the hair that framed Maggie’s face.

“And you, still?” Maggie asked softly.

Alex wished she didn’t have to ask but knew why she was.

There was absolutely no doubt in Alex’s mind that she liked Maggie even _more_ now. But she wasn’t sure if words would be the best way to describe how she felt, so she moved forward again and kissed her. Because she could do that now.

Alex managed to whisper, “Of course,” just in case Maggie needed to hear it, too. And she was glad she did because Maggie only paused for a second before smiling and then kissing her harder. Alex’s lower back bumped into the counter, but she just pulled Maggie closer to her.

And Alex realized that it hadn’t felt quite like this with Sam and Lucy.

It was as if Maggie had sparked some sort of fire in Alex and while they’d been away from each other it had been burning low—never fully extinguished but tamped down to the size of a candle flame. But it had always been there, waiting. And now the softness of Maggie’s hands on her jaw and her neck and the heat of her tongue was making it leap and burn brighter. But Alex wasn’t afraid of it; she wanted it to engulf her.

Which is why, when Maggie broke away for a second to catch her breath and say, “We should probably drink those beers before they get warm,” Alex had to temporarily bring herself back down to earth from wherever blissful place she’d gone to just to comprehend what Maggie was saying.

Once her brain caught up, Alex shook her head. She could think of a million other things she wanted to do instead. Especially because Maggie’s fingers were tracing her exposed collarbone, making her fight the urge to shiver.

“I don’t…really care…about the beers,” Alex whispered in between planting kisses on Maggie’s jaw. It only took a few seconds for Maggie to lift Alex’s chin up and kiss her as if that was exactly the answer she’d wanted. And it was easy for Alex to get lost in her again.

Alex pushed herself off the counter as it was starting to dig into her and then tried to use her memory to guide Maggie around the furniture. They succeeded in not bumping into too many things and the only time they had to momentarily stop was when they both started laughing and bumped foreheads as they almost tripped on the two steps up to the bedroom.

Maggie spun them around and pushed Alex backwards now. Alex bumped into the bed and she could feel her heart beating faster in anticipation of what was going to happen, not because of nerves. It was more…excitement.

But when Alex blindly felt around for the waist of Maggie’s pants to pull out her shirt, Maggie suddenly grabbed her wrists.

“Wait, wait,” she said, disconnecting their lips.

Alex froze, immediately feeling dread rise up inside her. She must’ve read this wrong. Maybe she was going too fast. “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked, I—”

“No, Alex, you’re fine. I do want to…I want you,” Maggie told her with a smile which made some of Alex’s worry go away.

“I sense there’s a ‘but.’”

Maggie pursed her lips. “Well, I—I’m worried that…I don’t want this to be another fling. I can’t go through that again. I don’t want to do that with you.”

Alex sat down on the bed and intertwined their fingers. She looked up at Maggie, who seemed genuinely worried that Alex wouldn’t stick around.

“Maggie, I’ve wanted this for so long. This isn’t nothing to me.”

“But what if—”

“We have more than forty-eight hours. I know we do. I can feel it,” Alex said because she believed it. “And…I thought the whole point of not checking was so that we could forget about it and just…be together.”

Maggie took a deep breath in before she sighed. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“I’m always right,” Alex said matter-of-factly, which made Maggie roll her eyes.

“Shut up,” Maggie said around a smile as she moved closer.

“I’m just saying. You better get used to it ‘cause who knows how long you’ll be stuck with me.”

Alex thought Maggie would keep playing along, but instead her face softened and she said wistfully, “Yeah, who knows,” like she wanted it to be a long time, too. Or at least longer than they had before.

She placed Alex’s hands back on her waist and Alex gave her a questioning look. Alex waited until she nodded to hook her fingers through Maggie’s belt loops and pull her down on top of her to continue where they’d left off.

They didn’t have to rush because they didn’t want to rush. It felt nice to have a choice.

And Alex got a chance to learn a _lot_ more about Maggie, and about herself, too.

Alex was woken up the next morning by Maggie’s soft touch on the palm of her hand.

Alex couldn’t even count the number of times she’d kissed Maggie yesterday and made her smile. She didn’t know how long she’d spent tracing all of Maggie’s curves and wondering how she’d gotten so lucky to have someone who enjoyed being with her just as much.

Alex knew it was too early to be thinking this but being with Maggie felt _right_. Like everything that had happened to Alex, everything she’d gone through, was leading her here—to Maggie. She’d just been wandering around looking for Maggie and had slowly but surely found her way back to her. This was where she was supposed to be.

With a smile on her face, Alex turned herself over, trying not to get tangled in the sheets.

Maggie’s hair was messy, splayed out against the pillow. Her dimples deepened, and she seemed content which made any of Alex’s worries about Maggie regretting what had happened last night go away.

Alex wanted to stay in bed forever, but she heard Maggie’s stomach growl—even though Maggie tried to hide it—and suggested they get up and make breakfast.

And Maggie very quickly remembered that Alex had no cooking skills whatsoever and took over making pancakes when she looked horrified at how thick Alex had made the batter.

On the third day, there was a slight but noticeable change in Maggie. Alex figured it was because Maggie had been keeping track and they’d passed her usual forty-eight-hour mark without their devices or anything signaling that they had to part ways.

Maggie stopped looking surprised that Alex was still there in the morning and became more relaxed during the day. She started watering the plants in the apartment and by the second week, they had three new ones she’d inconspicuously brought back from who knew where.

It was cute, how attentive Maggie was of those plants. And how happy she seemed to be doing something so simple. Alex didn’t think she realized it, but Maggie would always start humming as she went to the windowsills every other day without fail making sure her plants—bonsais, Alex remembered Maggie calling them—were sufficiently watered and carefully trimmed.

Alex would get distracted from whatever she was doing and just watch and listen to her. She didn’t understand how anyone could find anything about her worth hating.

“Okay, this is just a theory, but…let’s say there is no system. It’s just putting us in a random order and we all go along with it because they’re always telling us how great it is,” Maggie said.

Her arm was looped into Alex’s as they walked along the perimeter of the lake. Alex liked their walks a lot. They were always alone, so it was like they were the only two people in the world. And they could talk about whatever.

A month had passed, and Alex could still talk to Maggie about mundane stuff, or stuff like this, and she was never bored. It was fun.

“Well, it’s supposed to put people with ‘the one.’ It’s got a ninety-nine-point-eight percent success rate,” Alex told her.

She hadn’t really believed, before, in the system’s abilities to match someone with their perfect person. But it had been right about Maggie. And it had seemed to know more about Alex than Alex did about herself.

“But how do you know they’re perfect matches? Remember when you said, the first time we were together, about how that was almost impossible to do?” Maggie asked, and Alex started, not quite believing that Maggie had remembered that. “I mean, what if…what if all it’s doing is wearing us down, putting us in one relationship after another, all random? And each time you get a little bit more pliable, a little bit more broken, until eventually it coughs up the final offering and says, ‘Here you go, that’s the one.’” 

Alex was about to interrupt, but Maggie continued, “And by that point you’re so exhausted that you just accept it. You settle for whoever it is. And then you have to live the rest of your life convincing yourself that you didn’t.”

Alex glanced at Maggie, who just raised her eyebrows. “Wow,” Alex deadpanned. “That’s…one of the bleakest things I’ve ever heard.”

Maggie did a little bow, a smile on her face. “Thank you.”

Alex bit her cheek. It was stupid, but she knew Maggie wouldn’t judge her for it. And besides, Maggie had started this whole conversation anyway.

“Do you want to know my theory?” she asked.

“Hit me.”

“Alright, let’s say that the system isn’t random. Even though it may not be right one hundred percent of the time, it’s not random. It’s as sophisticated as they claim it is.”

“Okay…”

“So, these,” Alex awkwardly reached into Maggie’s coat pocket where she knew her device was. Alex had left hers at home, but Maggie always seemed to have her own. Maggie looked at it while Alex went on. “They collect and analyze all of your reactions to build up a complex profile. It knows every crazy thought you’ve ever had, all your dreams, all your weaknesses, all those times you convinced yourself that you were straight—” Alex paused as Maggie laughed.

“Keep going,” Maggie urged, leaning a bit more into Alex’s side as they walked.

“It collects everything in your head. But then, see, does that mean that it has thoughts?”

Maggie stopped them and turned Alex around to face her. “But now you’re going to say that it’s us, and we’re stuck in a simulation or something.”

It was like Maggie could read her mind.

“You never know,” Alex said with a shrug. “We’d have to test whether we were or not.”

Maggie pursed her lips and tilted her head. “I could push you into the lake, see if you get wet.”

“You better not,” Alex warned. “Plus, that wouldn’t be a good indicator anyway.”

“Nerd,” Maggie said, her eyes sparkling. “How about…this.” She pulled Alex forward by her jacket lapels to kiss her. 

Alex didn’t know how this would verify anything, but she opened her mouth a bit for Maggie’s tongue. And the moment Alex started to sink into it, Maggie bit down gently on her lower lip. Alex let out a noise from the back of her throat—mostly of surprise, and maybe to encourage Maggie.

But Maggie pulled back just as suddenly as she’d pulled her in. “Did that hurt?”

“A little,” Alex answered truthfully, still dazed.

Maggie smirked. “I think that settles it.”

 _Well. That’s one way to prove something_ , Alex thought. She ran a hand through her hair and hoped she wasn’t blushing. “I—I didn’t hate it, though,” she pointed out, hoping Maggie would catch on.

Maggie’s smile grew, and she took her device back before slipping her hand into Alex’s. “Good to know,” she said simply before she started walking again, dragging Alex behind her. Not that Alex minded; she was starting to get the feeling that she’d follow Maggie anywhere.

Before Alex knew it, a month turned into two. Then three.

And after that, she stopped keeping track altogether.

Every day she had with Maggie was amazing.

Some days, Maggie would attempt to teach her how to cook easy stuff and Alex would inevitably burn or undercook it, no matter what it was. But Maggie didn’t make her feel bad about it. Instead, she would let Alex watch, even if she would have to shoo her away sometimes if she was being distracting. And Alex’s glacial progress made her want to try again and again.

In the mornings when Alex would wake up before Maggie, she would make sure not to move too much and just look at her. The way her arm was almost always wrapped around Alex’s waist, the way her mouth was partly open. Alex would lie there and think about how she’d never felt anything close to this in such a short amount of time—or ever—with her previous matches.

Maggie made her indescribably happy.

She made Alex forget to be worried about the small things or if she might be doing something wrong. And she looked at Alex like Alex made her just as happy.

And Alex had only gone through two relationships before Maggie, but she was already beginning to hope that Maggie would be her last.

//

Somehow, Alex managed to surprise her every day.

It started the moment she’d grabbed Maggie’s arm in that restaurant, spun her back around, and kissed her.

Maggie remembered being frozen, her heart pounding wildly, as she tried to catch up with what was happening. But before she could, Alex had pulled away. Maggie had been stuck there wondering, despite never having kissed Alex before, why it felt like it was inevitable.

And then it was little things, like Maggie finding herself not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. She preferred lying there, comfortable and content, by Alex’s side.

She woke up _happy_ , which was a big change for her.

Instead of detangling herself from Alex’s grasp and rolling out of bed, she’d carefully shift closer to her so as not to wake her up. She’d stay there with her thumbs making soft circles on Alex’s hip until Alex blinked her eyes open.

Alex would always smile at her like waking up next to her, unbelievably, had the same effect.

And when they were this close, Maggie would notice things like the freckles on her cheekbones or how the morning sun through the window revealed specks of hazel in her eyes.

She never thought she’d feel like this.

Maggie had meant it, before, when she’d told Alex that this—them being able to be together—felt too good to be true. Alex telling her that she’d liked her all along? For a whole year? And being able to _want_ to kiss her without feeling guilty about it and _actually_ kissing her? And knowing that Alex liked her in that way, too?

Good things like this didn’t happen to Maggie very often. Which meant that she should make the most of it while it lasted.

It wasn’t hard, as she wanted to spend time with Alex anyway. Even if they weren’t doing things together, they’d always be in each other’s general vicinity. 

Alex would do her crossword puzzles in the mornings and occasionally yell out clues for Maggie to answer while she made coffee. Then Maggie would slump down on the couch, cuddle into her side, and look over her shoulder until she was done because Alex always finished them. No matter how hard they were, even if it took her more than an hour, she’d complete them with or without Maggie’s help.

Or they’d go to the park. They would talk about random stuff and Alex would go off on tangents and Maggie quickly realized that Alex thought about things like that all the time. It was like her mind was always working and the most mundane things could be turned into math problems or scientific theories or experiments.

Like when they’d been skipping stones in the lake one day and Alex said, “I wonder why they always skip four times.” Maggie had looked up at her and could practically see her brain working, coming up with a hundred different reasons already. The angle of her arm, the shape of the stone, the still water, the absence of any kind of wind.

So Maggie made sure that they relaxed and just lied down next to each other on the grass. She’d take Alex’s hand and play with her fingers enough that she could tell that Alex wasn’t thinking about anything else.

Maggie liked that the gears in Alex’s head were always turning. She wasn’t trying to dim that. But it must be exhausting, she thought, and Alex needed to relax occasionally. So Maggie would do things like point out the clouds and they’d come up with increasingly ridiculous things they resembled. And Alex would laugh at Maggie’s more ambitious ideas but fire back with ones just as silly.

Maggie could think of another effective way of relaxing but didn’t bring it up as an option. Not yet. She didn’t want to potentially ruin anything, like last time.

She always suggested jogging or running, and Alex was always up for it. Even though Alex sometimes outpaced her, it was only because Alex had slightly longer legs—a fact that Alex never let her forget.

Maggie had liked doing things alone, before, but now she could see the appeal of a partner. And not just one who seemed to understand and match her, but one who would challenge her, too. In a good way.

She looked down at Alex’s head on her lap and brushed Alex’s hair away from her forehead and wondered, not for the first time, how she’d gotten so lucky.

And why.

There must be a catch, right?

She didn’t want any strings attached, but there had to be.

Alex sat up slowly from the couch and Maggie straightened before accepting Alex’s kiss.

“I’m going to heat up dinner,” she said, and Maggie nodded. Because Maggie knew that Alex knew that that meant Maggie was hungry, too, and she’d follow her in a minute.

Maggie leaned her elbow on the top of the couch and watched Alex walk towards the kitchen for a couple of seconds. Her other hand subconsciously felt for the back pocket of her jeans. She fished out her device to check the time.

It went black again after a moment, and Maggie stared at it.

She always had it with her. It felt weird not to. She’d see Alex’s on their bedside table every morning and it would stay there all day, like Alex didn’t even think about it anymore.

But Maggie wondered.

Alex had told her not to worry about it and they’d promised each other that they wouldn’t check, but Maggie still wondered.

How much more time did they have? How many more months, weeks, _days_ , before the system inevitably took her happiness away from her? 

Either that or Maggie was bound to mess this up at some point. She didn’t know which was worse.

Maggie must not have been able to get her mind off it because Alex reached her hand across the table as they ate and squeezed Maggie’s.

“You okay?” Alex asked as if trying to read her mind.

It wasn’t hard for Maggie to put a smile on her face at Alex’s genuine concern. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Maggie said with a nod, hoping that would be enough. But Alex still seemed like she wasn’t going to let it go that easily, so Maggie continued, “I was just thinking about how sad it would be if you didn’t help me eat that vegan ice cream.”

Maggie laughed at Alex’s exaggeratedly disgusted face. “Gross. I wouldn’t touch that stuff with a ten-foot pole.”

“Hm.” Maggie leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Doesn’t science say that you have to try something at least twelve times before you can convincingly claim that you don’t like it?”

Alex pursed her lips, and Maggie knew she’d trapped her. Because yesterday, twelve had been the answer to the nineteen-across clue asking how many times someone had to taste something before they knew they didn’t like it.

Alex huffed out a breath when Maggie raised an eyebrow. “I knew I would regret doing those one day.”

Alex probably thought Maggie would drop it, but once they’d finished eating she went right to the freezer and placed the pint-sized tub on the counter. 

“It’s chocolate,” Maggie told her. “Maybe you’ll like it.”

“I highly doubt that,” Alex said from her place at the sink where she was washing dishes, obviously trying to be too preoccupied so that Maggie would give up.

“I’ve eaten many of your imitations of food,” Maggie said, as that was what she’d begun to call Alex’s attempts at cooking, “so it’s only fair if you try at least this flavor. And if you don’t like it, then I’ll get peanut butter. And if you don’t like _that_ one, then and only then will I set you free.”

Alex looked over her shoulder. “You won’t make me do it twelve times?” she asked as if immensely relieved.

Maggie rolled her eyes at Alex’s slight smirk. She was so dramatic, but it was cute.

“No. Only two. But you have to take a whole spoonful.”

Alex took a deep breath in and let it out with a sigh as she turned off the water. “I suppose I can do that.”

Maggie beamed and took a small spoonful, holding it level to Alex’s mouth. Instead of taking the spoon, Alex did what she’d done on that first date they’d had and leaned forward to let Maggie feed it to her.

She held Maggie’s gaze as she closed her mouth around the spoon and pulled back as if she was thinking about that night, too.

Maggie was very aware of her own breath and made herself glance away. “So?” she asked, swallowing the bit she’d gotten with the same spoon.

“It’s not completely horrible, I guess,” Alex said, which meant that she actually liked it and didn’t want to admit that out loud.

“Well, you’re not choking and spitting it out everywhere—”

“That was _one time_.”

“—so that’s a start,” Maggie teased, tilting her head at Alex’s defeated expression. “Oh, you, um…you got some…” Maggie pointed at her own upper lip as she noticed that not all of the ice cream had made it into Alex’s mouth. Alex was about to mirror her, but then Maggie had an idea. “Wait, wait.”

Alex’s hand froze on its path, and Maggie put the spoon on the counter.

Maggie stepped forward and kissed Alex’s top lip. It was mostly to thank her for trying it, but she darted her tongue out to get the ice cream which only made Alex start to kiss her back.

Maggie reluctantly leaned away. “And how do you like it now?” she asked.

“It’s getting better.” Alex pursed her lips. “You know, if it makes you smile like that, I’d try anything for you.”

Maggie felt her face soften even as her heart beat faster for some reason. Probably because it seemed like Alex meant it. Like it was an indisputable fact.

For once, Maggie gave in and let herself believe it for a moment like Alex obviously wanted her to. Alex tucked some hair behind Maggie’s ear—she did that pretty often, not that Maggie hated it at all—and looked like she was about to kiss her again.

So Maggie took a leap because she knew she’d lose her nerve. She had to remind herself of what Alex had told her—she wasn’t Emily. 

“What about yoga?” Maggie asked tentatively.

Alex was not expecting that. “Yoga?”

“Yeah. I…really like yoga. And I was wondering if you’d want to do it with me.” Maggie glanced down at her feet.

“You’ve never done yoga. I mean, at least I’ve never seen you do it,” Alex said. Maggie could sense confusion in her voice.

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t sure if…” Maggie rubbed her hands together. “I don’t know. It’s good for relaxation and flexibility and metabolism and all that. And it would only be for about an hour.”

Maggie only realized she was speaking faster and tensing up, preparing for…something, when Alex put a finger under her chin to lift it up. But Alex still didn’t say anything. She was studying Maggie as if wondering why she was asking. As if maybe it was a stupid thing to ask.

Maggie backtracked. “Y’know, we don’t have to. You’ve probably never done it and you won’t like it, so—”

“Maggie,” Alex said, which made Maggie finally shut up. Then, Alex smiled. “You’re right, I haven’t done it before. But I would love to try.”

Maggie almost sighed of relief and could feel herself calm down a little bit. “Really?” she asked, her voice small.

Alex nodded. “As long as you’re there to teach me, and you have a lot of patience. ‘Cause I have a feeling I’m gonna suck at it.”

Maggie let out a breathy laugh. “You don’t have to,” she repeated, making sure that Alex wasn’t feeling pressured into doing this.

It didn’t seem like something she’d like. Even to try. It was basically like meditation, and Alex enjoyed more active things.

“I know. I want to,” Alex reassured her. “I’m actually kind of surprised that you’ve never asked me to do it before now.”

Maggie shrugged again, trying to be nonchalant. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be up for it. And it’s more fun with two people. I did it alone a lot when I was with Emily because she didn’t want to try. So, I figured that you wouldn’t either since it doesn’t seem like your type of thing.” Maggie intentionally skirted around a lot of what had actually happened, mostly because she didn’t want to relive it.

Some sort of realization and understanding seemed to cross Alex’s features. Initially, Maggie thought it was a bad idea, mentioning Emily again. She hadn’t done it since their second first-date.

But Alex just pulled Maggie closer by her hips, but gently enough that Maggie didn’t feel trapped.

“I meant what I said about trying things for you. _With_ you,” Alex said, her smile widening. “I like spending time with you. Whatever we’re doing.” 

Maggie didn’t know why, but her throat stopped working. She wanted to tell Alex that she felt the same way. And tell her how much those words meant to her. How much _Alex_ meant to her.

But it seemed like Alex knew already or didn’t care if Maggie was hesitant to say it back because she kissed her once as if to tell her it was okay; Maggie didn’t have to say anything.

“I have to admit,” Alex then said, “you do make a lot more sense now.”

Maggie tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve got this whole aesthetic goin’ on. The plants and the vegan ice cream. Yoga is the cherry on top.”

“Oh, my god,” Maggie said with a groan, leaning her forehead on Alex’s collarbone.

“Now we just need to get you one of those flower crowns…”

They did end up doing yoga the next day, and Alex was right. She wasn’t very good at it.

But she was a beginner and was better at this than at cooking, Maggie insisted, which seemed to make her happy. Plus, it was a little entertaining to see how long the string of curses could become as she fell on her hip or her shoulder for what seemed like the tenth time. Despite that, Alex had seemed to enjoy it, if not only because it was new and challenging for her. She didn’t have many bruises, surprisingly, but Maggie made sure to kiss every single one that night. 

Although Maggie couldn’t help but wonder how many more times they would get to do yoga together.

Then, Alex managed to surprise her yet again.

Maggie had noted when Alex had mentioned the plants—her bonsai trees. She supposed it was hard to miss the four on the window sills that weren’t there a while ago, but Alex had never brought them up before. Maggie supposed it was because it was more her thing like the crossword puzzles were mostly Alex’s thing.

She wondered if the plants and how much time she spent caring for them bothered Alex.

And it wasn’t until a couple weeks later that Maggie was proven wrong.

Maggie got out of bed one morning, pajamas still on, to find Alex. She hadn’t been in bed when Maggie woke up.

Maggie had a brief moment of imagining the worst and checked her device just in case. The home screen was still black, so she pushed her worries down.

It took about two seconds to spot Alex as she was hunched over by the window, her back to Maggie. 

“Alex?” 

Alex jumped about a foot in the air at Maggie’s voice as if she’d been caught doing something wrong. She spun around, and Maggie saw the watering can in her hand.

“Uh, hey. Good morning,” Alex said. Maggie could tell she was trying to act nonchalant.

“Good morning to you, too,” Maggie said, a little amused. “What are you doing?”

Alex glanced down at the watering can when Maggie pointed it at it like she’d forgotten she was holding it.

“Oh, this? Well…” Alex cleared her throat. She spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully, “I…may have noticed that you haven’t watered your plants in a few days. And I just thought I’d…help you out.”

She was right, Maggie realized.

Maggie had been preoccupied with making sure that they did a bunch of stuff Alex wanted to do in exchange for everything she’d done for Maggie. It was only fair.

When Maggie didn’t say anything, Alex continued. “I—I noticed that you water them every other day and you haven’t done it lately, so I figured you’d forgotten. I was going to ask about it, but then I thought that it couldn’t be that hard to do it myself. It’s almost impossible to mess up. And it might be a nice surprise if you didn’t have to, once. Although I’m pretty sure you love doing it, so I’m realizing that this doesn’t sound like the best idea.”

Maggie hopped down the steps. Her heart had never felt this full before. “Alex—”

“Oh, but I didn’t touch the clippers or whatever those are,” Alex gestured towards her shears as she rambled on, “because I figured that I would _definitely_ mess them up if I tried to trim them for you. I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to touch them, but you care so much about them and I didn’t want them to die. And I promise that I won’t go near any of them ever again if you don’t want—”

“Alex, _Alex_ ,” Maggie said a bit sharply, only to get her to stop as she crossed the living room. She placed both her hands on Alex’s shoulders. “Breathe.”

Alex breathed in deeply and let it out. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. Worry was etched onto her face in the form of a crinkle between her eyebrows.

Maggie took the can out of her hands and put it on the windowsill. “Why are you apologizing?” she asked, genuinely perplexed.

Alex shrugged. “I thought you’d be mad.”

“Why in the world would I be mad?” Maggie said with a smile. “Alex, this is like…one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me. I can’t believe you noticed how often I, y’know, do all this stuff.”

Alex visibly relaxed but scratched at her head and tried to act like it was no big deal. But it was, at least to Maggie. 

“It took five minutes, tops. And I don’t know if I did it right.”

“So? I don’t care about either of those things. The fact that you thought about it and did it is just…” Maggie shook her head, not breaking eye contact with Alex. “Thank you.”

She wanted to convey everything she was feeling in those two words as she slipped her hands down to Alex’s and held onto them. 

“Anytime,” Alex said quietly. Maggie could’ve stayed there forever, but then Alex seemed to remember something. “Actually,” she said, “you might want to check on Gertrude over there ‘cause I’m pretty sure I dumped way too much water on her. Accidentally.”

Maggie fought off a smile. “Gertrude?” Alex nodded and looked proud even when Maggie continued, “I leave you alone with my plants for five minutes and you name one of them Gertrude?”

“It’s an amazing name.”

“It’s an _old lady_ name. I am not calling that bonsai tree Gertrude.”

Alex honest-to-god pouted. “But it suits her.”

Maggie shook her head and couldn’t help but kiss Alex. “What am I gonna do with you?”

Alex just beamed and squeezed Maggie’s hands. She practically had a bounce in her step as she went to go get them both breakfast. 

As Maggie stood there, she thought about how Alex had slowly been chipping away at each brick of the walls she had built up with every smile, every laugh, everything. And Maggie hadn’t even noticed she’d been wanting to tear them down herself, to let Alex in. It was a relief to feel so sure that Alex wouldn’t make her want to build them up again, stronger and higher. 

Maggie just liked her so much—this woman who had come into her life and left too quickly. Only to make her way back and stay. And she didn’t want to imagine her life without Alex in it.

Maggie liked her more than she’d ever liked anybody, and it absolutely terrified her.

Because it would be so much worse when…

Maggie shook her head to clear her thoughts. 

She pushed it out of her mind. She tried not to let the fear and guilt because she couldn’t be completely happy overwhelm her.

That lasted about four days before she couldn’t take it anymore.

Maggie was lying on her back staring up at the ceiling, trying desperately to fall asleep.

She and Alex had taken a bath together the day before, but Maggie couldn’t even fully enjoy it no matter how much she wanted to. The giddy smile on Alex’s face had worked for a little while. 

Maggie turned over in bed, away from Alex, and it seemed to be glowing in the dark.

That goddamn device.

It was practically taunting her.

Maggie reached for it and slowly, as silently as she could, got out from under the sheets. She glanced back at Alex, who was sound asleep, before making her way out of the bedroom.

She clicked the device on. It was glowing now, lighting up the darkness around her.

Maggie cupped it closer to her chin so that she could whisper. “Coach?”

“ _Yes, Maggie?_ ” it answered.

“I have to know.”

“ _What would you like to know?_ ”

Maggie took a deep breath in. “The expiration date. For me and Alex. I need to know how long we have.”

Maggie leaned against the counter, waiting for an answer.

It didn’t respond.

The silence was almost deafening.

Maggie gripped the device tighter. Because she knew what this meant.

She knew what she’d have to do to find out.

“What, you’re not going to talk me out of it?”

“ _Would you like me to talk you out of it?_ ” her device asked as if it knew exactly what she was thinking about doing.

“Yes,” was Maggie initial reaction, but then… “I mean, no. I—I don’t know.”

It took a moment, but her screen lit up again.

Maggie stared at it. It read, _Tap to Reveal_ , and, beneath that, _Both parties must tap at the same time_. What it had always said.

Maggie worried at her lip. She’d said she wouldn’t do it. They’d made a deal; they shook on it.

She wasn’t one for breaking promises, but…

But the only way she would be able to be with Alex and enjoy her time with Alex was if she knew. She needed to know when she would have to leave her again. She’d give anything not to have to, but they weren’t in control of that. No matter how much they might’ve thought they were.

She had to know before it drove her absolutely crazy.

And before she could change her mind, Maggie pressed her thumb against her screen.

She only had to wait a split second before the device chimed. She sucked in a breath as _5 years_ popped up.

Maggie couldn’t take her eyes off of it.

Five years.

Maggie could feel herself smile and looked up towards their bedroom.

She had five whole years with Alex. She couldn’t believe it. It was longer than she was expecting, truthfully. But, somehow, it still didn’t seem like enough ti—

Her device emitted a strange sound Maggie had never heard before, and Maggie whipped her head back.

“ _Recalibrating_ ,” the device said as the word filled up the screen.

The device chimed again, and the screen displayed _3 years_.

“What, but—” Maggie stammered, tapping at it with her finger as it started to make sounds like an alarm. “Coach?”

“ _Recalibrating_ …”

“Wait,” Maggie said, her heart beating faster. “Coach, what’s happening?”

The sounds were getting louder, so Maggie scrambled off the stool and practically ran across the living room so that Alex wouldn’t hear anything.

She opened the sliding door and ran out into their front yard.

“It’s getting shorter.” Maggie kept poking at the device as if it was broken. Whatever was happening needed to stop.

“ _One-sided observation has destabilized the expiration date._ ”

“What?” Maggie felt like she couldn’t breathe. “No. No, no, no. Shit,” she said as she read _18 months_.

Maggie’s breath caught in her throat as it kept going.

“ _Recalibrating…_ ”

“Because I looked at it on my own? It—It’s making it shorter?”

“ _That is correct._ ” 

This was not happening.

“Why?” Maggie asked desperately. She ran a hand through her hair. She wanted to beg it to stop. She’d do anything for it to stop.

“ _Everything happens for a reason_.”

Maggie let out a sharp breath.

The device chimed. Two months.

“Undo it then!” Maggie exclaimed, glancing over her shoulder to make sure Alex hadn’t woken up. “Make it go back, _please_.”

“ _I cannot do that._ ” It paused, and then: “ _Recalibrating…_ ”

Maggie cursed under her breath. Her mouth was going dry, but she got an idea. “What if she looks at it?” 

“ _Once shortened, the expiration date cannot be extended._ ”

Maggie could feel her eyes start to sting as _3 weeks_ stared her in the face now.

“But…why?” Maggie asked again, even though she knew it was useless.

The device just repeated, “ _Everything happens for a reason._ ” Maggie groaned. “ _Recalibrating_.”

Maggie felt a tear slip down her cheek. “Wh—When will it stop?” she asked, her voice shaking.

“ _It will stabilize once recalibration is complete_.”

Now her screen was showing her _5 days_.

Five years to five days.

Maggie was numb.

“ _Recalibrating…_ ”

“Wait, _stop_. Please, just…” Maggie choked back a sob, not sure what to do.

The device seemed to listen to her.

It chimed one last time, and then went silent. Maggie blinked and saw _20 hours_ through her blurry vision.

And before she could even have time to process everything, the countdown started.

_19:59:59…19:59:58…_

Maggie covered her mouth with her hand and gripped the device tighter.

She didn’t know whether she was more devastated or angry. And if she was angry at the device…or herself.

Maggie let out a wet breath and tried to still her shaking hands. It had all spiraled downhill so fast that Maggie couldn’t keep up.

Less than twenty hours.

They’d had five years, and she’d fucked it up.

All because she couldn’t stand not knowing. If she’d just forced herself to keep her promise, to not look…

They didn’t even have a full day left. She wouldn’t get to spend another night with Alex.

And if Maggie felt horrible and guilty before, then it was nothing compared to how she felt now.

Maggie was still awake when Alex woke up in the morning.

Maggie heard Alex rustling the sheets from her spot by the screen door but didn’t move. Her arms were wrapped around her stomach as she tried desperately not to feel sick. Her mind was cloudy and heavy.

She almost started when Alex came up behind her.

“Hey,” Alex said softly as she slid her hands along Maggie’s arms.

Maggie both wanted to get out of the hug but also hold onto her tighter.

Alex kissed her cheek and Maggie made herself spin around slowly, trying not to let Alex know that anything was wrong. But, of course, Alex noticed Maggie’s attempt at a smile. Her attempt at hiding how shitty she felt right now.

On and off, she’d been watching Alex sleep and wondered how the hell she’d be able to tell her.

And now Alex was awake, and their time was dwindling with each passing second, and it was all Maggie’s fault.

Alex furrowed her brow. “You okay?” she asked. She kept her arms around Maggie’s waist which was the only thing that made Maggie feel anchored.

Maggie nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she lied, willing her voice not to shake. She couldn’t remember ever lying to Alex before.

She probably looked tired. She hadn’t slept a wink.

Alex didn’t seem completely satisfied, but she let it go.

“Okay. We’re going to the mall later today, right? I should probably start getting ready. How long have you been up?”

Maggie shrugged as Alex let go of her. “Not too long.” Another lie.

Surprisingly, the rest of the morning went alright. Although it did seem like Alex was touching her a bit more than usual, as if she could sense that something was wrong and that Maggie needed comfort.

And every time Alex hugged her or kissed her or gently touched her hip, Maggie felt like crying.

She kept sneaking glances at her device, watching as the seconds ticked down.

“What are you thinking about?” Alex asked as they walked down the road. Maggie knew that she was trying desperately to figure out what was going on so that she could fix it. 

And Maggie answered with a weak, “Nothing.”

She didn’t deserve the worried look on Alex’s face. Once Alex knew…God, Alex would hate her.

The day went by quicker than Maggie wanted it to.

Maggie held onto the escalator’s handrail and pulled her device out yet again to check how much time they had when Alex wasn’t looking. She stuffed it back in her front pocket even though ignoring or denying it was impossible.

The low chatter from the other mallgoers wasn’t working to drown out the storm inside her head. She trailed behind Alex as they stepped off the escalator, almost dragging her feet.

But Alex stopped in her tracks before she’d even turned the corner. “Okay, seriously, what’s going on with you, Mags?”

Maggie looked up and bit her lip at the stress evident in Alex’s expression. She probably thought that she’d done something wrong when it was the complete opposite.

Maggie couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t keep lying to her.

Alex wasn’t moving, and Maggie knew she wasn’t going to let her brush it off this time. Maggie took a deep breath in and scuffed her shoes on the floor.

Finally, she made herself say it. “I looked.”

“Looked at what?” Alex asked.

Maggie just stood there, waiting. 

And something in the way Maggie was looking at her made Alex realize exactly what she meant.

Alex opened her mouth and closed it again. A beat, and then Alex said, “We promised we wouldn’t. We shook on it.”

Maggie could hear a hint of anger in her voice, which was understandable. Maggie pursed her lips and felt her eyes start to sting. 

“Don’t you want to know what it said?”

“No.” Alex was gradually raising her voice. “That was the whole point.”

Maggie couldn’t even look at her. She felt hopeless. There wasn’t any way to fix this. “It’s almost done anyway,” she said softly.

Alex came closer to her; she sounded more concerned than angry now which Maggie knew wouldn’t last long. “What? How ‘almost done’?”

“We have about an hour,” Maggie told her, each word like a knife in her gut. Maggie glanced back up when she heard Alex let out a sharp breath.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“I didn’t want to mess up today,” Maggie said truthfully, although today wasn’t even anywhere in the realm of being a good day.

“And this doesn’t mess it up?” Alex ran a hand through her hair and was glancing around like she didn’t know what to do. Like she couldn’t believe what was happening.

“It was supposed to be five years, but now—”

Alex whipped her head back. “Five years?” she repeated, breathless.

And Maggie immediately regretted blurting that out. Maybe it would’ve been better if she never told her. But it was too late now.

“I looked at it. And—and something happened, and it started going down,” Maggie made herself explain, hoping Alex would think that it wasn’t entirely her fault even though they both knew otherwise. “I don’t know what it was.” 

“So, you…you broke it?” Alex’s breath hitched. Maggie could hear her voice start to wobble and it made her heart ache.

“No!” Maggie exclaimed. “No. I mean—I…I don’t know.”

She wanted to say that it wasn’t her intention. She’d just wanted to know. She couldn’t stand not knowing. But it was like her voice didn’t work, and Alex didn’t care.

Maggie didn’t know what to do or what to say or how to make this better.

Alex stepped closer to her. “Why did you have to look at it?”

Maggie stared at her, surprised that that was the question she was asking. They had less than an hour left together.

“Because…” Maggie swallowed. “Because I like you,” she whispered.

Alex looked confused, like that answer didn’t make an ounce of sense.

“No, I…” Maggie stopped herself from reaching out for Alex’s hands because she was afraid Alex would pull away or even flinch, and she wasn’t sure she could handle that. But she had to try and make Alex understand. “I really, _really_ like you,” she repeated, louder this time.

Somehow, Maggie knew that those weren’t the right words to describe how she felt about Alex. But those were the only ones that were coming out right now.

Alex clenched her jaw. Her voice was small as she asked, “And that wasn’t enough?”

It was almost like she was asking if _she_ was enough.

And she was.

Alex was more than enough. She was…everything.

Which was why the prospect—and now, the reality—of leaving her hurt so goddamn much.

“No, it was. It _is_.” _You are_ , Maggie thought. “I just needed to know.”

“But we had agreed. We had a deal,” Alex reminded her as a tear slipped down her cheek.

“I know. I shouldn’t have done it, I’m sorry. But Alex—”

“No.” Alex shook her head, and she started to create distance between herself and Maggie.

She was so focused on Maggie’s actions rather than the fact that they only had forty-five minutes left. They could still make the most of it.

“Alex, listen—”

“I—I can’t…this is ruined. It’s…it’s ruined.”

And this time, Maggie knew that she meant, _You_ ruined it.

Whatever they had was crumbling faster than Maggie had thought possible. This is not how she wanted this to end. She didn’t want this to _ever_ end.

Alex’s eyes caught something over Maggie’s shoulder, and Maggie glanced behind her to see an officer. But she didn’t give a shit about him.

“Alex,” Maggie called out as Alex started to back away faster. Maggie started to follow her and turned halfway around. The officer had his taser out, but luckily it was off. “We’re okay. It’s nothing,” she reassured him. “Alex, don’t leave.”

Alex paused for a second and faced her. Then, she said, “I have to, Maggie,” like it broke her heart to say those words. She looked right at Maggie’s pocket where they both knew her device was and did a helpless, defeated shrug. “I have to.”

She turned away again, and Maggie tried to remember how to breathe.

This was it.

This couldn’t be it.

“I’m sorry,” Maggie desperately, uselessly pleaded. “Alex, don’t go. _Please_.”

And the last thing she heard was Alex saying, “Don’t follow me.”

Maggie slowly stopped in her tracks.

Everyone around them, every couple on the various floors of the mall, had turned their heads and were staring at her.

“Alex…” Her voice broke on the word.

It was happening again. She’d messed up with Emily, and now Alex. But this one hurt a million times more.

Alex got further and further away, and Maggie was left standing there. Her knees felt like they were going to give out.

But Alex didn’t look back.

Maggie didn’t know what to do, but she knew she didn’t want to be here. Especially because she couldn’t hold her tears in any longer and there were hundreds of eyes on her, following her every move like robots.

Somehow, Maggie made it back home.

She wasn’t locked out of the apartment yet as their time wasn’t up. Although Maggie had a feeling their relationship had ended the moment she’d decided to press her thumb against her device’s screen.

Maggie sank down onto the floor in front of their bed—the bed she’d shared with Alex for the past…she didn’t even know how many months—and finally let everything out. Tears rained down her cheeks, and she hiccupped.

“ _Everything happens for a reason,_ ” her device was telling her, once again.

“That’s _bullshit_ ,” Maggie choked out. “What reason?”

“ _The system will be assessing your reaction to the painful premature termination of a treasured relationship and will adjust and improve its profile of your eventual chosen one accordingly._ ”

Eventual chosen one.

She wanted so badly for it to be Alex. Why couldn’t it be Alex?

“I feel like…” Maggie wasn’t sure why she was still talking to the damn thing, but she didn’t know what else to do. She wiped her nose with her sleeve. “I feel like sc-scaling that wall and jumping over it in-into the wilderness.”

“ _That would contravene the rules of the system._ ”

Maggie gripped her device tighter, wanting so badly to crush it with just her fingers. “Screw your stupid system,” she spat out.

It took Alex away from her. Or maybe she’d done that. She still didn’t know, which hurt even more.

“ _Failure to comply with the system may result in banishment._ ”

“I know,” Maggie shot back. She took a gulping breath in and rubbed her eyes, which didn’t stop the crying.

“ _You must vacate your current living quarters when the time expires,_ ” it warned her.

She knew that, too.

Maggie looked up, blinking to see the room around her. Their bedroom that was no longer their bedroom.

She’d loved this apartment, every room of it, before. She had memories of Alex in every inch of this place. Maggie didn’t know when she’d begun to think of it as home, but it didn’t feel like it anymore. Not without Alex.

It was just an apartment now.

Nowhere would feel like home.

Because Alex was her home, and she was gone.

//

After Maggie, she got matched with a woman named Sara.

Alex had spent a week alone trying and failing not to cry. Out of anger or frustration or pain, she didn’t know. Maybe all three.

She was angry at the system, frustrated that Maggie had checked when she’d promised not to, and in pain because she couldn’t wake up next to Maggie every day anymore.

Running wasn’t helping.

She’d just think about how she’d ran away from Maggie and then she’d remember how much fun they’d had together on their runs, so she stopped.

Putting boxing gloves on and punching a bag was better. 

She’d pound her fists against the heavy bag until she couldn’t breathe and wasn’t sure if it was sweat or tears running down her cheeks.

Alex supposed she wasn’t frustrated _at_ Maggie. Not entirely at her, anyway. It was what Maggie had done, and why she’d done it. Alex was still confused about the latter.

Maggie had said she’d done it because she liked her—really, _really_ liked her—which made no sense.

That seemed like a reason that would make someone keep a promise, not break one.

Alex knew that Maggie had trouble voicing her feelings. Instead, she’d do it in other ways—with a squeeze of her hand, or what seemed like a simple, “Thank you,” or a kiss that made Alex’s toes curl.

But Alex hadn’t even had an inkling as to what was going on in her head all this time, and especially at the mall.

Alex had been perfectly content to be with Maggie and not know when they would have to be separated. So why couldn’t Maggie have felt the same way?

Alex hadn’t been enough for her. She wasn’t happy enough just being with Alex.

Unfortunately, _that_ part wasn’t surprising.

“Um, hello? Earth to Alex?” 

Alex snapped herself out of her reverie. “What?”

Sara was staring at her with a half-amused, half-worried smile on her face as she sipped her coffee. Alex had completely forgotten she was there.

“You good? You spaced out for a minute.”

“Sorry,” Alex said automatically. “Just tired.”

She felt bad, not even giving Sara a chance in the three days they had together. But three days was nothing.

Her and Maggie had had five more years.

And Maggie had thrown it away. Had thrown _her_ away.

So Alex slept with Sara. She thought it might help, but it made it worse.

Alex was so shocked the next morning when Sara was still there and it wasn’t Maggie that she had her arm wrapped around.

It didn’t feel right at all. Alex rolled away and overestimated how big the bed was because she landed with a _thump_ on the floor, still tangled in sheets. She got dressed, left Sara an apology note, and didn’t go back to the apartment until she knew that Sara had left.

It took her being paired up and sleeping with three more women whose names she didn’t remember and not feeling a thing—good or bad—towards any of them before she had to admit to herself that she missed Maggie so much that it hurt.

It hurt enough to numb any ounce of feeling she could’ve felt for anyone else.

Even though there was nothing she could do about it, Alex knew that this ache wasn’t going to go away.

As much as she tried, she couldn’t forget Maggie.

And she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

//

“And if I hadn’t looked…we would’ve been together for years,” Maggie told Vasquez, the woman currently on top of her.

They only had fourteen hours together, so there were no strings and no feelings attached.

“She was…” Maggie continued, her mind so far from what was happening right now that it wasn’t even on the same planet. “You know when you meet someone, and you just know that they’re your person? Does that make sense?”

She was trying to get better at saying how she felt out loud. It was easier to tell a stranger she knew she’d never see again, but at least she was trying.

She felt Vasquez slow down and finally looked back at her.

“Sorry,” Maggie said, even though she wasn’t, really. It wasn’t even worth pretending to try with anyone else. 

Vasquez stopped, but it didn’t really change anything as Maggie hadn’t been into it at all. It was entirely her fault, and none of Vasquez’s.

“It’s okay. I do understand, actually.” Vasquez flopped down onto the bed beside her.

“You do?” Maggie asked, turning her head against the pillow.

Vasquez nodded as she fiddled with the sheets. “There’s this woman I was paired with. Lucy. She—”

Maggie almost bolted up. “Lucy?” The Lucy that Alex had brought up a few times? It couldn’t be, could it? Vasquez nodded. “Did she ever mention an Alex?”

Vasquez furrowed her brow. “I don’t think so. Not that I remember. She wasn’t really into talking about other people while she was in bed with me,” she added with a smirk.

Maggie groaned. “God, I’m so sorry. I just…I miss her. It’s not you at all.”

“I know. I’m only teasing. But, you know…there might be a way for both of us to feel better. And make this—” Vasquez pointed between them— “a bit better.”

Maggie gave her a questioning look.

“If I can think about Lucy, then you can think about your Alex.”

Her Alex.

She wanted so much for Alex to be hers again. She’d do anything for that to happen.

And even though Vasquez’s solution was a little weird, and maybe a little messed up, it didn’t take long for Maggie to agree and for both of them to find out that yeah, that worked a _lot_ better.

//

“One, two, three, four,” Alex counted out loud, just to make sure she was seeing this right.

It didn’t matter what the size or the shape or the weight was. The pebbles skipped four times over the still lake water, every time.

Months ago, when she’d come to this exact spot with Maggie, she’d noticed. But she hadn’t had long to think about how weird it was because Maggie had distracted her.

Alex did it six, seven, eight more times before she started believing that it wasn’t a coincidence. It couldn’t be.

But what did it mean?

She’d done the experiment, even repeated it, without a hypothesis. Which was basically breaking the rules of science.

But the pebbles were breaking the rules of science, too.

It bothered her like an itch that just wouldn’t go away.

Alex sat with her back against the trunk of a tree and started observing, really noticing things.

But the ducks that were hanging out by the lake looked and sounded real, the bark digging into her back certainly felt real, the grass was rough, and the dirt was dry and left smudges of brown on her fingertips. 

She went to the swimming pool later that day to check if it smelled like chlorine (it did) and held her breath just long enough to see if she’d get light-headed (she did). And Maggie had bitten her lip and it had hurt like someone pinching themselves to make sure they weren’t in a dream.

Everything seemed real.

And she tried not to think about the fact that her brain immediately added that everything about Maggie and everything she felt when she was with Maggie had seemed real, too. More real than anything and anyone else inside this walled-in place, in fact.

Then, just thinking about Maggie made it impossible for Alex to ignore the other questions that had been bothering her for much longer.

Would she have checked their expiration date at some point? Without telling Maggie?

Would she have gotten nervous enough that their time was running out and done the exact same thing Maggie had done?

The only way to know that was to get inside Maggie’s head, which was far more difficult than Alex could’ve predicted. For as much as Alex considered herself an expert on Maggie, something wasn’t adding up.

Because Maggie didn’t make decisions lightly. She wasn’t spontaneous; she would’ve thought it through.

Which meant that she had been thinking about checking their expiration date for a while, but something had pushed her to do it the night before everything had gone to shit. Because she’d been fine—or at least _passably_ fine—and that morning was the first time Alex had noticed that something was wrong.

Alex wondered what she’d done to make Maggie want to do it. To risk everything, to break their promise, just to see how much time they had left together.

Well…Alex supposed that this, somehow, was easier even though it sure didn’t seem like it. Because if they’d been together for five years and _then_ had to break up? Alex couldn’t imagine.

Maybe it had more to do with the fact that Maggie had been so worried, mostly because of what she’d gone through with Emily, that Alex would lose interest in her the more time they were together. 

But it was the complete opposite.

Alex had felt herself wanting to get closer to Maggie, wanting to know her better, wanting to show her that she was sticking around because she wanted to. Not because some system was telling her she should.

There had been no doubt in Alex’s mind that Maggie was the person she was supposed to be with.

And even now, after everything, that feeling wasn’t going away.

If anything, it was stronger. Deeper.

It felt like she’d been falling, slowly, towards something. Towards Maggie.

Or maybe she’d been falling _for_ Maggie.

…Oh.

Alex lifted her head up above the water of the swimming pool she was doing laps in to catch her breath.

That…yeah. That made a lot of sense.

Alex could feel herself smile for the first time in weeks. She waded over to grip the tile and moved the wet hair sticking to her forehead.

And it didn’t take her very long to develop a very multi-layered hypothesis that depending on a bunch of ambiguous variables:

Because maybe, just maybe, Maggie had realized something, too, about how she felt. And Maggie liked things planned, which meant that there had been way too many uncertain variables for her and she’d wanted to get rid of one. One that would tell her when they’d have to leave each other because maybe she’d wanted so badly not to and was hoping it would tell her that they had forever. And she’d went back on their deal because she was scared enough that it wouldn’t.

Alex let out a sigh.

Her deductive reasoning could be completely wrong.

She really needed someone to talk to.

A third party. An outside opinion. But one that knew her well enough—and maybe would’ve known Maggie well enough, too—to tell her if she was right. And what she should do.

Alex pushed herself up and over the side of the pool. She went to grab her towel.

And again, Alex found herself needing a best friend. 

Someone she could confide in and know that that person would stand by her, always. And she would do the same. Maybe that person had been Maggie, but the itch in the back of Alex’s mind seemed to be getting harder to ignore.

Alex tried to brush it away with her towel as she squeezed her hair out, but that obviously didn’t work.

There was someone else. Someone that could be as equally important as Maggie was to her.

She needed more than a best friend.

She needed…a sister.

Alex furrowed her brow. A sister? But how—

A chime from her device, which she’d left on the bench, rang out, effectively stopping Alex’s train of thought on its tracks.

It wasn’t a sound Alex had heard it make before, so she quickly wrapped her towel around her waist and picked it up. As soon as it touched her palm, it began to speak.

“ _Congratulations, Alex. Your ultimate match has been identified. Your pairing day is tomorrow._ ”

And if Alex was distracted by anything else, she sure as hell wasn’t now.

“What? You mean ultimate as in ‘the one’?” Alex could feel her heart start to beat faster.

“ _That is correct._ ”

“And we meet tomorrow?”

“ _That is correct,_ ” it repeated. “ _Tomorrow you’ll be coupled with your ultimate match and together you will leave this place forever._ ”

Alex let out a breath. “Okay,” she said, a little dumbfounded. This was sudden. Not what she was expecting to happen today at all. She didn’t know how to feel about it. “Are you…allowed to tell me anything about them? Do I know them already?”

It was only when she had finished asking that she realized that she was desperately hoping for one answer over the other. Would she get a third chance?

“ _Negative._ ”

Alex stopped pacing, her heart dropping significantly in her chest. She ran a hand through her hair and clenched her jaw as a fresh wave of disappointment coursed over her.

She’d be stuck with someone else forever. She was sure she’d be unhappy with them, or at least not as happy as she could be.

“ _There is one more thing._ ”

“Yeah? And what’s that?” Alex asked, hearing the bitterness in her voice. She couldn’t get herself to care what else it had to say at this point. But then…

“ _Prior to pairing day, you have been allocated a short farewell period to the individual of your choosing._ ”

Alex stared at the device. “A—A farewell period? I get to say goodbye to someone?”

“ _That is correct. Data shows that this can help provide psychological closure—_ ”

“Maggie. I choose Maggie.”

There was absolutely no question about that. She needed to see Maggie and talk to her. About a lot of things. She needed to _tell_ her a lot of things.

Knowing that the system was going to pair her up tomorrow only made Alex surer that Maggie was the only person she wanted to be with.

She needed to get back to Maggie. She didn’t want whoever was chosen to be her ultimate match.

And Alex had a feeling—as she started to connect a lot of different, seemingly separate things that made a lot more sense together—that she didn’t need to worry about the system and its rules.

Alex walked faster towards the locker room. She needed some time to get ready. And maybe her half-developed plan was irrational and not thought-through as well as someone like Maggie would’ve liked it to be, but she knew in the back of her mind that this was the only way out. They had to try.

“ _Your choice has been registered,_ ” the device informed her.

Alex had kind of forgotten about the device. It was like deadweight in her hand.

She paused for a brief moment before asking, “Wait, where are we meeting?”

“ _Usual booth, seven-thirty p.m._ ”

“Got it,” Alex said. She glanced over her shoulder, weighing the device. It was almost the exact right size and shape, too. “Coach?”

“ _Yes, Alex?_ ”

Alex smiled. “Count to four.”

Alex brought her arm back and then threw the device, arching it like it was one of the many pebbles she’d thrown into the lake.

Alex headed for the locker rooms to get the rest of her stuff.

The device skipped over the water as it obeyed, “ _One, two, three, fo—_ ”

But the rest was garbled as it sunk like a rock.

Right to the bottom of the pool.

//

_Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap…_

Maggie couldn’t get her leg to stop shaking as she sat at the edge of the booth at Table 12 in the middle of the packed restaurant.

She wasn’t sure if Alex would even come, let alone talk to her.

And right as she was about to check the time yet again, she stilled as she saw Alex come around the corner.

It seemed like Alex had a slight smile on her face at seeing Maggie sitting there. She only had eyes for Maggie as she made a beeline for her as if on a mission.

Maggie quickly stood up, overwhelmed by a kind of happiness she wasn’t sure she would ever get to feel again.

She didn’t quite know what to do or say first, and before she knew what was happening, Alex cupped her jaw and crashed their lips together with enough enthusiasm to make Maggie stumble back a bit.

But Maggie quickly grasped blindly at Alex’s jacket to pull her closer and kiss her back. Her heart beat wildly in her chest as she slid her hand up to Alex’s hair and deepened the kiss. She couldn’t quite believe this was happening but wasn’t willing to question it, not even a little bit.

Maggie could feel a tear slip down her cheek at the relief she felt when she realized that Alex wouldn’t be doing this if she hadn’t forgiven her. What they had wasn’t ruined; it wasn’t damaged beyond repair. 

Still, when Maggie had a moment to catch her breath, she whispered, “I’m sorry,” against Alex’s mouth, which only made Alex dive back in and kiss her harder as if to say that it was okay, she didn’t have to apologize.

It could’ve been just them in that restaurant for all Maggie cared. She couldn’t help but kiss Alex one, no, two more times before she loosened her grip and rested her hand on Alex’s shoulder. She waited until Alex opened her eyes, and Alex’s smile widened when she saw Maggie’s. She was looking at Maggie like she was just as happy to see her.

And Maggie didn’t want to wait anymore. Even though she was scared and she knew what was supposed to happen tomorrow, Alex deserved to know. Maggie swallowed and slid her hand to Alex’s chest, right over her heart. It seemed like Alex was about to start talking, so Maggie hastily interrupted her before she even began.

“I love you,” Maggie told her, her voice a little shaky. But this was the most certain she’d ever been about anything in her life. It rolled right off her tongue like she was stating a fact. “I love you, and that’s why I—”

“I know,” Alex said, nodding. Her face softened as she tucked a lock of Maggie’s hair behind her ear like she always did. “I love you, too.”

Maggie almost laughed from relief more than anything. Alex understood. She’d figured it out, because of course she had. Maggie stood up on her toes and give Alex another long kiss. Because she could do that now. Because Alex loved her back.

All Maggie could think was that she just wanted to be with Alex, forever, not someone else.

Which, unfortunately, reminded her of the reason she was here.

Maggie made herself pull back and shook her head to get back to reality as Alex being here had started to feel like a dream she didn’t ever want to wake up from. “Wait, wait,” she said. “How much time do we have?” 

Maggie sat back down at the table but guided Alex by her wrist to sit beside her.

Maggie’s device said that they only had one-minute and thirty-four seconds left. She banged her fist on the table. Alex was practically pressed against her side but was craning her neck to look around the restaurant.

Her device counted down, emitting a faint beeping that Maggie tried to ignore as she, too, did a quick check of the restaurant. People were starting to notice them.

“The system set my pairing date for tomorrow,” Maggie started to explain, scooting away to face Alex again. She lowered her voice so that no one else could pick it up.

Alex nodded. “Yeah, same for me.”

“But I don’t want whoever the system thinks is the one for me,” Maggie said, trying not to think of Alex with someone else because it was something she didn’t want to ever handle again. “I want you. Only you,” she told her.

“Me too. I want to be with you,” Alex said, squeezing her hand.

“ _Failure to comply with the system may result in banishment._ ”

Maggie clenched her jaw and glanced down at her device. “God, this damn thing...” Maggie jammed her thumb against it to turn it off, mumbling, “Piece of shit,” under her breath.

Alex reached out and turned Maggie’s head back, looking her right in the eye. “Do you remember where you were before you came here?”

Maggie tilted her head. She opened her mouth to answer, but her mind was blank. Utterly, completely blank.

“You can’t, can you?” Alex asked, and Maggie shook her head in disbelief. “Me neither. Except that I think I have a sister. But I don’t even know her name.”

Maggie let out a breath. How could the system just erase someone like that? “Why…” Maggie furrowed her brow. “Why can’t we remember?”

How could they erase their entire lives?

“It’s a test,” Alex said, and Maggie focused back on her. She continued, a little desperate as the beeping continued to remind them of how little time they had left, “Do you remember the first night we were together? How did you feel?”

Maggie didn’t even have to rack her brain for that but was trying to follow Alex’s train of thought. “It felt…” Maggie smiled. “Familiar. Comfortable. It felt right, like we’d…met before or something.”

“Like it had happened before, and it’ll happen again. Like it’s happened a thousand times over and over.” Alex started using her hands, which Maggie knew meant she was getting excited. “Do you know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” Maggie answered, because she did. That was _exactly_ what it felt like to be with Alex, now that she had the words to describe it. “Yeah, I do.”

She had a feeling she knew where Alex was going with this. What this could mean.

Alex took of Maggie’s hands in hers. “Ever since we met, this world has been toying with us. It’s trying to keep us apart,” she explained. “It’s a test. I _swear_ it is. And the two of us rebelling together has something to do with passing it.”

It took a second as Maggie wrapped her head around Alex’s theory. But it was easy to accept because she trusted Alex and that brain of hers.

So she nodded and smirked. “We’ll just say screw it.”

Alex let out a laugh. She seemed immensely grateful and relieved. But Maggie would go with Alex anywhere, and since she wanted to get out of this damn place, even better.

Alex looked like she wanted to kiss her again, but they both knew that they didn’t have time for that. “You’re with me?”

“Ride or die,” Maggie reassured her. “We’ll go over the wall.”

“Right over it,” Alex agreed. “No matter what’s out there.”

“Okay.” Maggie checked over her shoulder again to see if anyone was going to stop them.

“So…let’s go,” Alex said, and Maggie looked back at her. 

It was like neither of them could believe they were doing this, but this was the only way. They had to find out what was out there, if this was a test.

Alex had said it herself—she was always right. And Maggie had a very strong feeling that this time was no different.

Maggie’s device beeped, indicating that their time was up. Both of them ignored it.

Instead, Maggie nodded, and Alex scooted out of the booth.

They tried to be discreet and act like nothing was happening, but Maggie could feel more eyes on her now. Alex’s tight grip on her hand was the only thing that made her a bit calmer.

Whatever would happen, Maggie reminded herself, they were together and that was all that mattered.

Alex was ahead, pulling Maggie after her. They made it past the bar area before they saw an officer coming towards them.

They both stopped in their tracks. The officer pulled out his taser and it made a loud crackling sound. 

Maggie saw Alex gulp out of the corner of her eye and squeezed her hand. The officer extended his arm out, but instead of backing away, Alex stepped forward.

Maggie almost grabbed at her arm to make her stop but decided against it. Maggie’s eyes darted between the officer and Alex. If he hurt her…

Alex held her own palm out towards the taser slowly until she touched it.

Maggie sucked in a breath, but nothing was happening. She’d turned the taser off.

Alex pushed it down…and everything stopped.

The music, the chatter, _everything_.

Maggie swiveled around, and all the people, every single person in the restaurant—the couples, the waiters, the officer—was completely still as if they were in a movie and someone had pressed pause.

Before Maggie could wrap her head around it, Alex hastily reached for her hand again and weaved their fingers together in a vice-like grip.

She dragged Maggie behind her as they weaved through the people who looked like mannequins. They weren’t even blinking. Some had forks halfway to their mouths, some were in the middle of drinking or laughing.

Alex and Maggie ran down the stairs and outside, through the dark of the night, until finally they reached the wall.

Maggie hadn’t noticed it before, but there was a ladder. It seemed as though it had appeared just for them. Maggie craned her neck up as she caught her breath, and Alex did the same. She couldn’t see the top.

Alex dropped her hand and hopped up onto the first rung. “C’mon,” she said, glancing back at Maggie with a smile on her face.

Maggie mirrored it. Once she had room, she hung onto the rung and started to climb up after Alex.

They went up and up and up. Alex would glance down every so often to make sure Maggie was okay; Maggie didn’t dare look at what was below her.

But if Maggie had been looking down, she would have seen that once they reached about the halfway point the lights of the town inside the wall shut off in waves.

And then black pixels snaked across the fields and the houses and the lake, swallowing everything that had seemed real.

The pixels climbed up the wall, too, replacing the concrete until there was no longer anything left.

And then everything went black.

//

[[Alex and Maggie stood side by side in a room full of hundreds of carbon copies of themselves in different clothing. There were numbers floating above each one, and they were number 998.

They spotted 13…573…208…912…

Then, all the copies began to shift. One by one, they were transformed into statistics and data and turned into bright blue swirling orbs. The system began to log each orb into its software, counting higher and higher until it reached the desired number.]]

[[1000 SIMULATIONS COMPLETED]]

[[…]]

[[998 REBELLIONS LOGGED]]

//

_Alex’s phone dinged, and she pushed her shoulder off the wall of the bar inside the Hub._

_On her screen, it read:_ 99.8% match. __

_So they’d found someone for her already._

_The loud rock music playing from the speakers that was entertaining the pack of people milling around was enough to drown out her anxieties and worries about this whole thing. Alex couldn’t believe Kara had managed to convince her to do this. But a part of her was excited. This was supposed to be her soulmate._

_A moment later, a picture popped up to show her who it was._

_And, oh._

_Her match was pretty. Long, wavy dark brown hair. She was smiling in the photo, and Alex could make out dimples on her cheeks._

_Alex tilted her head up, her eyes already seeking out the woman shown on her screen._

_And Alex didn’t expect her to be about ten feet away._

_Alex checked the picture again just in case because the woman was looking around, not having noticed Alex yet. But yeah, Alex confirmed, that was her._

_Once the woman spotted her, Alex felt her heart skip a beat. She was, somehow, much prettier in person, in that dress especially. She was beautiful._

_Alex didn’t know why, but she had a really good feeling about this._

_The woman smiled at her like she was thinking the same thing._

_And Alex smiled back._

**Author's Note:**

> :) the end. phew.
> 
> i want to give a quick shout-out to magicleigh who read the very very first draft of this so long ago and has since endured all of my complaining through the months it took me to write this :) you're the best
> 
> and to all the rest of you who made it this far, i hope you enjoyed it! leave a comment or kudos if you want :) oh and before i forget (cause I always do), my tumblr is hufflepuffdanvers if ya wanna follow


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